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My Life in Foster Care

No, it’s not the story you Expect. I was not abused in foster care, and there were several group homes run by the same agency, and none of them had a complaint filed in the time I was there. It was the discipline and the perception of how the houses were run that was the issue. I reached the age where dating occurred. My home was strict on curfew, and stricter if you got in trouble while out. If you had an issue outside the house, the solution was not to let you outside. Simple logic if I ever heard it. I was asked out by a boy in another class, and one that I liked a lot! He picked me up on the corner down the street, the common means of hiding where we came from. We did a basketball game, a movie, and a pizza after. Then he drove me home. More like… Continue reading »

The year that changed me

I had my first kiss and lost my virginity at 19, I was also raped that same year. I wish I could say that my first time was with someone special, someone I genuinely trusted and cared about but that would be a lie. The truth is that I only agreed to sleep with him in fear that if I said no it wouldn’t go over well, that my ‘no’ wouldn’t be heard. That is something I never wanted to tell anyone, I think it was because I was embarrassed… Embarrassed that I was scared, embarrassed that I was dumb enough to even let someone like that into my house and into my life. After that sex had no appeal, I was self conscious after being somewhat verbally abused and belittled by this man and couldn’t think of a situation where sex would actually be enjoyable. My second time was only worse. My second time… Continue reading »

It was not my fault

While I sit here trying to find the words to my story it is still difficult to talk and think about it. I am now 23 years old, and everything happened when I was 15, actually around the same time of the year as I am writing this. It took me a long time to be able to accept and understand what happened to me. I spent 6 of the last 8 years in denial and trying to escape every thought or memory that reminded me of that horrible feeling of not being able to defend myself. I was in a bad place back then, young, troubled and struggling with depression. I tried to escape into alcohol and anything that would stop me feeling so empty. In January 2010 I went to spent a semester abroad with a host family. During the Carnival season my “host sister” took me to a rental house with some… Continue reading »

Rape on a Foreign Exchange Trip

When I was 16, I had the opportunity to study abroad in Spain on a full scholarship for a year to further my Spanish-language abilities. I was so excited because I had dedicated my whole life to the language and would finally be living it. My foreign exchange included staying with a volunteer host family for the academic year (my junior year in high school) and attending a public school in Madrid. I struggled through the first half of the school year with the language barrier even though I had studied it for four years, and only really understood my English class (because I’m American and an English speaker). In my English class, we had an American as our assistant English teacher, and it made me so happy to finally make human contact with another native English speaker during my exchange (not many people spoke English that well in Madrid during my exchange). After a… Continue reading »

I am J. D. R., and I have been murdered by my rapist, his family, and the justice system

I am J.D.R., and I was physical and sexually assaulted almost 3 years ago by a police officer in Salem, VA. I was shocked, scared, stayed quite; I stopped functioning, I stopped going to school, working; scared to leave my house or go anywhere. I never got the courage to report him because of the things he said, his social status and the fact that his father is a lieutenant; also, I was afraid of my family pointing the figure at me and blaming me. I only got the courage to stand up for myself from behind a computer in my room telling everyone what happened to me, which got ME in trouble not him. I finally got the courage to report him, but it was pointless, they only believed his lies, and his father has many connections, so they put me in jail not him. They did not want to hear my side of… Continue reading »

Metoo

Born A Girl When I was 10, I noticed men looking at me differently When I was 10 to 12 men and boys of all ages honked their horns, whistled and yelled profanities at me When I was 13 my friend and I were walking home in the daylight, when a man came out from his backyard and asked us if we wanted to drink beers and join his party When I was 14 a handsome man in his 20’s began spending time with me. I thought he would love me forever if I gave him my virginity. He accepted and took it because he could. He was known for his interests in young girls, yet he stayed quite popular When I was 15, I was intoxicated and walking through a park. I could hardly stand, let alone walk. A man pulled up in his truck, walked up to me and raped me. He left… Continue reading »

Finally facing it

I’m 32 years old and married now. When I was 15 years old I was dating a 16 year old. I was a virgin with no intentions of having sex anytime soon. I was very naive about sex and also insecure about my body. I went to the homecoming dance with my boyfriend. Before the dance, we went to a neighbor’s house who provided alcohol to minors. I had never drank before. They made screw drivers and I drank for the first time. I’m not sure if I was given date rape drugs or just got drunk enough to black out, but I still remember feeling extremely out of it and I only remember tiny bits from the night. I remember going to a bedroom at this person’s house and passing out. The next day I had no idea I had had sex. All I remember is feeling sore when I went to the bathroom… Continue reading »

Was it rape?

I used to never understand the word rape. I used to never think it could happen to me. Too be honest, I still don’t understand it all I know is what happened was wrong. It was six years ago. It was a warm night in may I was at my best friends house in the hot tub. We had a few drinks and then our “friends” came over.. fast forward to five am in the morning this “friend” started to feel me up… He then began getting more and more intimate and persuaded me to come out to his jeep. I get in scared out of my mind, and he climbs in on top of me. He begins to kiss me all over saying how it was time for me to stop being a good girl and how I wanted “daddy” to eff me. He had his way and then finished. There was blood all… Continue reading »

I felt like it didn’t count because I made him cry

I was lucky. I went on a date with a man I met, and I wanted to play around and make out. I was not shy, or coy, or unclear. I straight up told him that we would not be having intercourse – but if he was okay with that, we could touch each other and have some fun. He agreed, and we went back to his place. He enjoyed himself, and so did I. He even came twice without intercourse, and I’m thinking to myself – cool, this was fun. Then he starts complaining – he wants more, and he wants real sex. I tell him no, that’s not what we agreed upon, and he starts trying to force the issue by grabbing me roughly. I got very mad – and I flipped him. I was taller and stronger than him, with a background in martial arts, and he was young, stupid and unarmed…. Continue reading »

I said YES

Daniel and I were dating for a couple of months, and there was some good chemistry. On that night, I was interested, no basically decided, what I wanted for the end, or overnight. We had a nice dinner, and a really adrenaline packed movie, and I was worked up. When we got back to my place, I was most afraid he would want to kiss me and call it a night. When he said he wanted to come in, my heart was going, and my palms sweaty, like it was my first. I hung my jacket on the hooks, as he closed the door behind us. I turned smiling coyly. He grabbed my legs around the knees and knocked me to the floor, landing on top on me, between my legs! I went to talk, and he wheeled a fist back to punch! He ripped my dress, my bra, and matching panties, enough for access…. Continue reading »