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Not safe in my own skin

I had been with my ex for 5 years, I loved him so much. He was not always so cruel, or well maybe he was. From the beginning he cheated on me with like 8 girls. He would deliberately embarrass me out in public. Then became controlling. And paranoid The first time he was violent with me he ended up head butting me in the face! He become rough with me during sex and this went on for three more years, until he raped me when I was pregnant and I ended up miscarrying my twins. It started off consensual. He was on a lot of drugs which I didn’t like, but he was sweet and affectionate. But then he did something I asked him not to do, and he continued. He told me to be quiet but I kept telling him please no. I was in so much pain and crying out he put my hand over… Continue reading »

Perfect on Paper

I met him at a party on New Years. He was handsome, a great dancer, a pre-law student, worked while putting himself through school, had a new car, played in a jazz band, father was a minister. We went to different schools so he called me when he came home for Easter break. We went to a low key party with his friends and when that ended I asked if he wanted to watch a movie at my place. When I went to my room to hang up my coat, he followed me in and shut the door and leaned on it. I went to walk out still not getting it. He insisted I kiss him and I wanted to. Then he shoved me on the bed. I tried to get up and said no but nothing stopped him. He was probably 6’2″ and 180 pounds. I was 5’6″ and 125 pounds. He was trying… Continue reading »

I don’t know if it’s rape

I don’t know if this is rape because I dont know if I was clear that I didnt want it. I am 19 years old and my boyfriend and I had been dating for 2 years at that time and been in an abusive relationship. I was a mess and didnt know how to get out of it. Closer to the incident (maybe couple months before) we started having rougher sex than normal where he would pin me down or have sex with me when I said no because I would change my mind halfway. This one time we were making out and having fun but all of a sudden I had a mood swing and didnt wannt him to touch me, I evidently said no and for him to stop but he didnt. He took me from behind and just had sex with me while I said no. I dont know if he thought… Continue reading »

Cavemen

By BF and me went to drink beers at the Door to Hell, a cave in the woods(it might have a name, but that’s what we called it). Basically a private place for the kids to drink, and the homeless clean the clans for salvage cash. We all drank a full can, and then I went to a 2nd, while we listened to music. My BF keeps drinking, until he passed out. It was shortly after that this guy starts talking about doing me while me BF was out on the floor. I tried to wake him, but he was too out. There was 5 of them, and there was nothing I could do to stop them pulling my clothes off. They took pictures and video of there assault. They made sure each went at least twice. When they were tired, they dropped me $2, and left. I couldn’t walk, so I just lied there… Continue reading »

Finally Sharing

My story is old nearly two decades and yet it as if my rape was yesterday. I have done a lot of healing absolutely but this type of trauma never leaves you – it shapes you. I feel sad about the circumstances around my rape and as others have experienced – it was a crushing blow to trust. I trusted this person and thought we cared about me (in some way). It’s sad that my trust was shattered by some small, tiny minded, insecure man’s need for power and control. My tale is this: while we were not exclusive we certainly were familiar with one another as we worked together, dated a bit, and just were friendly. We had been intimate too and again not exclusive which has it’s own issues, but that doesn’t mean or equal to a set-up for rape. We met at a restaurant and introduced each other to friends. The fete… Continue reading »

Charity is it’s own reward

I was talked into taking the cousin of a friend to a school dance. He was short, homely, awkward, and basically the stereotype nerd out of all the B teen movies. In those, it always turns out she loves him by the end, but this wasn’t a movie. Counting the minutes until the end, I wanted to walk home. He insisted on walking me to keep me safe from attackers. I figured he wanted a kiss goodnight, and was trying to figure if it was easier talking my way out of it, or choke it back. He could barely keep up, and I had to keep slowing to let him catch up. It was barely around the corner, when he put me in choke hold, and pulled me between a house and a garage! I was almost unconscious as he partially undressed me! I could not catch my breath as he was lying on top… Continue reading »

My Story

When I turned 16, I started dating a guy – we’ll call him Tommy – and our relationship was kind of rushed. Tommy jumped into getting intimate and said “I love you” after a month of dating, which kind of weirded me out but I was in a really bad mental place at the time to see that the relationship was toxic and that he was just using me (he later admitted to my friend, “Sam”, that he used me for sex). He had a class that was kind of like study hall and I would sign into that classroom (because students with a free period had an option to work in that classroom) on multiple occasions and help him with his work. During most of these times, throughout the whole first semester of my junior year, he would put his hand down my hands and use me however he wanted to that day. I… Continue reading »

Friend of mines set me up

I was about 18 years old 2 years ago and me and this girl became really close. We didnt talk im school much but after we graduate she wanted to hang out more. One day she tells me she wants me to go to the beach with her and a couple of her guy friends. It wasnt a big deal for me so i said sure . at the time me or her didnt drive but her guy friends did. They wanted to pick me up . i did feel iffy about it but she was my friend and she trusted them. So they came to pick me up from my house the next day. At first they were nice to me they offered to buy alcohol and food for me and my friend. She wasnt in the car she was at home supposly getting ready. She txt me saying i should wait for her… Continue reading »

My boyfriend of 2 years

I’ve been dating this guy for 2 years, and a little while ago, he took me to his family’s beach house for summer. The first night we were there, he offered me a candy. Obviously, I took it. I started to feel funny and turns out he drugged me and had sex with me. It was actually good for me. Not that I got raped, but what happened after. I reported him, and it felt amazing to do so. I was able to get him put away, it felt so freeing and I felt so strong. Though it was a terrible thing, I felt so happy.

Bartender Lies

I was 21, a young ballet dancer studying in NYC. My roommate and I went to visit the bar of the restaurant I was a hostess. The bartenders were always revered, put on a pedestal. I thought the attention from him was good, a positive thing. How wrong I was. My roommate was tired, she went home. I thought because I worked there, I would be safe,… wrong again. I was drinking, for a long time I took the blame for what happened upon myself. As the restaurant closed, he said we should go to the pub next door. Once we were there things changed. Today, I search my brain and cannot remember his name, I can’t remember. The bar became like an old-fashioned movie reel, I was in an out of consciousness. Days later I swore he has put something in my drink. Later, I somehow ended up in a hotel near my apartment,… Continue reading »