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My Story

When I turned 16, I started dating a guy – we’ll call him Tommy – and our relationship was kind of rushed. Tommy jumped into getting intimate and said “I love you” after a month of dating, which kind of weirded me out but I was in a really bad mental place at the time to see that the relationship was toxic and that he was just using me (he later admitted to my friend, “Sam”, that he used me for sex). He had a class that was kind of like study hall and I would sign into that classroom (because students with a free period had an option to work in that classroom) on multiple occasions and help him with his work. During most of these times, throughout the whole first semester of my junior year, he would put his hand down my hands and use me however he wanted to that day. I… Continue reading »

Friend of mines set me up

I was about 18 years old 2 years ago and me and this girl became really close. We didnt talk im school much but after we graduate she wanted to hang out more. One day she tells me she wants me to go to the beach with her and a couple of her guy friends. It wasnt a big deal for me so i said sure . at the time me or her didnt drive but her guy friends did. They wanted to pick me up . i did feel iffy about it but she was my friend and she trusted them. So they came to pick me up from my house the next day. At first they were nice to me they offered to buy alcohol and food for me and my friend. She wasnt in the car she was at home supposly getting ready. She txt me saying i should wait for her… Continue reading »

My boyfriend of 2 years

I’ve been dating this guy for 2 years, and a little while ago, he took me to his family’s beach house for summer. The first night we were there, he offered me a candy. Obviously, I took it. I started to feel funny and turns out he drugged me and had sex with me. It was actually good for me. Not that I got raped, but what happened after. I reported him, and it felt amazing to do so. I was able to get him put away, it felt so freeing and I felt so strong. Though it was a terrible thing, I felt so happy.

Bartender Lies

I was 21, a young ballet dancer studying in NYC. My roommate and I went to visit the bar of the restaurant I was a hostess. The bartenders were always revered, put on a pedestal. I thought the attention from him was good, a positive thing. How wrong I was. My roommate was tired, she went home. I thought because I worked there, I would be safe,… wrong again. I was drinking, for a long time I took the blame for what happened upon myself. As the restaurant closed, he said we should go to the pub next door. Once we were there things changed. Today, I search my brain and cannot remember his name, I can’t remember. The bar became like an old-fashioned movie reel, I was in an out of consciousness. Days later I swore he has put something in my drink. Later, I somehow ended up in a hotel near my apartment,… Continue reading »

I thought he liked me

We had gone on dates, I thought he liked me, I liked him. I was 18, he had met my family and made me feel special. I said no and he did it anyway, I laid there looking away, I didn’t fight, I should have fought. I cried after it and he tried to cuddle me and asked me what was wrong. I was too naive to realize that he had raped me, society had made me grow up thinking that rape was violent instead of it being something so grey and yet so traumatic. I thought he liked me and it took me far too long to realize it for what it was. Whenever I got close to a male and they tried to touch me, hug me, anything I would cry, I would ask them not to touch me, I felt like there was something wrong with me. But I had said no,… Continue reading »

He raped me. I hugged him goodbye after

One night while 18 years old and out partying with a girlfriend, I ran into an old friend. He was older – 27 – and I had known him for about 4 years, since he was good friends with my neighbor. I thought he was a friend because he seemed to look out for me in the past. When I was 16, my mom kicked me out of my house. He picked me up with all things and even let me stay at his place for a few days. I trusted him. So we keep drinking and end up at a hotel with him and his friend. They are pouring us drinks and handing them to us, but not drinking themselves. The last thing I remember is fading in and out and laughing, having a good time. I wake up in the morning laying on the bed beside him with nobody else there and no… Continue reading »

Blackout

Alcohol quieted my anxiety and dulled my hurt. I never ate enough, so when I drank, I would get drunker, faster. Alcohol gave me guts and I felt bold, sexy, and powerful under its spell. My new gal pal and I drank that day until all I can recall are shared, flirtatious smiles with the gorgeous guy across the bar—the kind of guy I could never have attracted before my eating disorder. Then…nothing. Blackness. A shred of memory of the backseat of a car and maybe (?) an apartment parking lot (mine?), then nothing. In the light of morning, with a pounding head and dry mouth, I woke to find a hand touching me. I rolled over to find a man who was only vaguely familiar, but definitely not someone I knew. I didn’t even know his first name, let alone his last. With disorientation and rising terror, I looked around the room. On the… Continue reading »

My First Boyfriend

I was absolutely smitten with my first boyfriend. He was cute, handsome, and very smart. I had never been in love before. I thought I loved him more than I could love anybody else. I was clear; I wanted to wait until I was married. I wanted to share that with somebody. No, I didn’t expect him to be a virgin. But I expected him to understand that I was; I wanted whomever to respect that. And he said he did. But he didn’t. And, in a moment of lust, he didn’t respect my wishes. And after he took my virginity, in which felt both like a second and an eternity, he didn’t respect what I wanted. And then he begged. He begged me to understand. He begged me to believe I was a virgin. Like I still had a choice. But I felt dirty. I felt violated. I felt like it no longer mattered…. Continue reading »

He bought me chips and sent me on my way

Two years ago I aborted the child of my rapist. To this day I still feel sick to my stomach at the thought of this. This man had the ability to remove all sense of control from me and break me completely in a matter of hours. He also forced me to make a decision that would affect me for the rest of my life. Some days it’s difficult to even look at me. Somehow I’ve managed to convince myself that it’s all my fault, and have a large sense of guilt that I don’t think will ever go away. Most of the time I’m okay, but on days like this- there are moments I feel like I’m unable to breathe. I’m overcome with fear, sadness, anger, and guilt. I just want these feelings gone and all those moments erased. I wish somehow that was possible. But it isn’t, not even millions of therapy sessions… Continue reading »

Ex-boyfriend rape

I had just turned 17 when I met him. We talked nonstop. Over the phone, at school, after school. Always. We were unofficially dating over the summer. Then he randomly decided to drop me. Well, maybe it wasn’t random- he had a girlfriend of 2 months that I had no idea about. That December, we started talking again. I saw him multiple days during the week at school and church. His girlfriend cheated on him, and they had broken up a few months earlier. We talked all the time- about everything. It was like we picked back up where we left off. We flirted a lot. Then a couple months later, he decided to end everything again. We got into a huge argument. I said some nasty things. I even threatened to hit him. He told me, “no one has ever gotten away with hitting me. Not even a girl. Go ahead, I dare you.”… Continue reading »