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Finally Sharing

My story is old nearly two decades and yet it as if my rape was yesterday. I have done a lot of healing absolutely but this type of trauma never leaves you – it shapes you. I feel sad about the circumstances around my rape and as others have experienced – it was a crushing blow to trust. I trusted this person and thought we cared about me (in some way). It’s sad that my trust was shattered by some small, tiny minded, insecure man’s need for power and control. My tale is this: while we were not exclusive we certainly were familiar with one another as we worked together, dated a bit, and just were friendly. We had been intimate too and again not exclusive which has it’s own issues, but that doesn’t mean or equal to a set-up for rape. We met at a restaurant and introduced each other to friends. The fete… Continue reading »

Charity is it’s own reward

I was talked into taking the cousin of a friend to a school dance. He was short, homely, awkward, and basically the stereotype nerd out of all the B teen movies. In those, it always turns out she loves him by the end, but this wasn’t a movie. Counting the minutes until the end, I wanted to walk home. He insisted on walking me to keep me safe from attackers. I figured he wanted a kiss goodnight, and was trying to figure if it was easier talking my way out of it, or choke it back. He could barely keep up, and I had to keep slowing to let him catch up. It was barely around the corner, when he put me in choke hold, and pulled me between a house and a garage! I was almost unconscious as he partially undressed me! I could not catch my breath as he was lying on top… Continue reading »

My Story

When I turned 16, I started dating a guy – we’ll call him Tommy – and our relationship was kind of rushed. Tommy jumped into getting intimate and said “I love you” after a month of dating, which kind of weirded me out but I was in a really bad mental place at the time to see that the relationship was toxic and that he was just using me (he later admitted to my friend, “Sam”, that he used me for sex). He had a class that was kind of like study hall and I would sign into that classroom (because students with a free period had an option to work in that classroom) on multiple occasions and help him with his work. During most of these times, throughout the whole first semester of my junior year, he would put his hand down my hands and use me however he wanted to that day. I… Continue reading »

Friend of mines set me up

I was about 18 years old 2 years ago and me and this girl became really close. We didnt talk im school much but after we graduate she wanted to hang out more. One day she tells me she wants me to go to the beach with her and a couple of her guy friends. It wasnt a big deal for me so i said sure . at the time me or her didnt drive but her guy friends did. They wanted to pick me up . i did feel iffy about it but she was my friend and she trusted them. So they came to pick me up from my house the next day. At first they were nice to me they offered to buy alcohol and food for me and my friend. She wasnt in the car she was at home supposly getting ready. She txt me saying i should wait for her… Continue reading »

My boyfriend of 2 years

I’ve been dating this guy for 2 years, and a little while ago, he took me to his family’s beach house for summer. The first night we were there, he offered me a candy. Obviously, I took it. I started to feel funny and turns out he drugged me and had sex with me. It was actually good for me. Not that I got raped, but what happened after. I reported him, and it felt amazing to do so. I was able to get him put away, it felt so freeing and I felt so strong. Though it was a terrible thing, I felt so happy.

Bartender Lies

I was 21, a young ballet dancer studying in NYC. My roommate and I went to visit the bar of the restaurant I was a hostess. The bartenders were always revered, put on a pedestal. I thought the attention from him was good, a positive thing. How wrong I was. My roommate was tired, she went home. I thought because I worked there, I would be safe,… wrong again. I was drinking, for a long time I took the blame for what happened upon myself. As the restaurant closed, he said we should go to the pub next door. Once we were there things changed. Today, I search my brain and cannot remember his name, I can’t remember. The bar became like an old-fashioned movie reel, I was in an out of consciousness. Days later I swore he has put something in my drink. Later, I somehow ended up in a hotel near my apartment,… Continue reading »

I thought he liked me

We had gone on dates, I thought he liked me, I liked him. I was 18, he had met my family and made me feel special. I said no and he did it anyway, I laid there looking away, I didn’t fight, I should have fought. I cried after it and he tried to cuddle me and asked me what was wrong. I was too naive to realize that he had raped me, society had made me grow up thinking that rape was violent instead of it being something so grey and yet so traumatic. I thought he liked me and it took me far too long to realize it for what it was. Whenever I got close to a male and they tried to touch me, hug me, anything I would cry, I would ask them not to touch me, I felt like there was something wrong with me. But I had said no,… Continue reading »

He raped me. I hugged him goodbye after

One night while 18 years old and out partying with a girlfriend, I ran into an old friend. He was older – 27 – and I had known him for about 4 years, since he was good friends with my neighbor. I thought he was a friend because he seemed to look out for me in the past. When I was 16, my mom kicked me out of my house. He picked me up with all things and even let me stay at his place for a few days. I trusted him. So we keep drinking and end up at a hotel with him and his friend. They are pouring us drinks and handing them to us, but not drinking themselves. The last thing I remember is fading in and out and laughing, having a good time. I wake up in the morning laying on the bed beside him with nobody else there and no… Continue reading »

Blackout

Alcohol quieted my anxiety and dulled my hurt. I never ate enough, so when I drank, I would get drunker, faster. Alcohol gave me guts and I felt bold, sexy, and powerful under its spell. My new gal pal and I drank that day until all I can recall are shared, flirtatious smiles with the gorgeous guy across the bar—the kind of guy I could never have attracted before my eating disorder. Then…nothing. Blackness. A shred of memory of the backseat of a car and maybe (?) an apartment parking lot (mine?), then nothing. In the light of morning, with a pounding head and dry mouth, I woke to find a hand touching me. I rolled over to find a man who was only vaguely familiar, but definitely not someone I knew. I didn’t even know his first name, let alone his last. With disorientation and rising terror, I looked around the room. On the… Continue reading »

My First Boyfriend

I was absolutely smitten with my first boyfriend. He was cute, handsome, and very smart. I had never been in love before. I thought I loved him more than I could love anybody else. I was clear; I wanted to wait until I was married. I wanted to share that with somebody. No, I didn’t expect him to be a virgin. But I expected him to understand that I was; I wanted whomever to respect that. And he said he did. But he didn’t. And, in a moment of lust, he didn’t respect my wishes. And after he took my virginity, in which felt both like a second and an eternity, he didn’t respect what I wanted. And then he begged. He begged me to understand. He begged me to believe I was a virgin. Like I still had a choice. But I felt dirty. I felt violated. I felt like it no longer mattered…. Continue reading »