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A Lifetime of #MeToo – How Sexual Abuse Changed Me

I was eleven when I lost my virginity. It happened under an old pine tree in an overgrown backyard of an old lady’s house a block away from my childhood home. The boys were older. They were rough and cruel. They laughed the whole time like it was some hysterical joke I didn’t understand. Perhaps they thought I was the punchline. It killed my innocence and woke a nightmare that has been chasing me ever since. When I was thirteen, it began happening regularly. This time it was my brother’s friends. The first time my brother told me that one of his friends wanted to be with me, I said no. I didn’t want to do it. My brother, almost 5 years older than me and over twice my weight, changed my mind with his fists. It was easier to let it happen whenever they wanted than to get beaten. It was always easier to… Continue reading »

Was I really raped?

I am yet to process what had happened to me because I am yet to understand, was I to blame or he? He (not to be named) began messaging me through Facebook and after only a few hours of Facebook messaging soon led to an exchange of numbers and then a FaceTime call ALL in the same day. Our first FaceTime call consisted of getting to know each other, as well flirting which always suggests things are going great, so we arranged to meet up in the next few days. I admit to exchanging nudes before our meeting and a small amount of dirty talk, but I made sure he knew that on our first encounter NO funny business would go on nor would there on our second meeting and maybe third other than maybe a cheeky kiss! I told him on how I only wanted to get to know each other for now… there… Continue reading »

It’s OK

My Rapist: My mother’s boyfriend. My Age: 13 Force Used: Authority We had a close family, my Mom, my bratty Little Sis, Me of course, and the latest of Mom’s Boyfriends. We used to do a lot of things together, especially watch Cable. Once we were all on the couch, and Mom and Sis fell asleep, and I was drifting off, and I rolled over against him, and he put his arm over my shoulder, and his hand rested a bit on my boob by accident. He said he was “sorry”, and I said “It’s OK”, and he didn’t move it, but I didn’t care. The next time I watched a movie with him, it was a bit less “family”, and while I sat up, he reached around me, and under my arm, and his fingers rested under my boob. He asked if I was “bothered”, and I said “It’s OK”. He would flex his… Continue reading »

HS Reunion

This year, I attended my 10 year Reunion, the first time I saw anyone from HS since Graduation Day. Most of all, I had a long talk with Jerry R. Jerry R. and I dated for a long time, and over my objections, he kind of forced me into having sex, being my first. After a few months, we had a pregnancy scare, and he was a bit immature in dealing with it, and it was contributing to a break-up. We talked about old times, and he apologized if his libido left me feeling unappreciated. He regretting losing me all these years. As I had lost my husband years before, he wanted to take me out, to make it up to me, and I agreed. I had to cancel twice, because I don’t have a steady sitter, but we got it together. We had a nice dinner, and played some games, won some prizes, and… Continue reading »

Date Rape

I had been dating this guy my freshman year in college for almost 3 weeks. i was riding in his car with him and he reached over and started touching my thighs. I told him to stop and that i don’t feel comfortable. he pulled over to a secluded area and slapped me so hard I couldn’t see. he raped me in his car and all I remember was waking up on the ground bruised and bleeding.

Online dating

I have been raped three times in my life. Once was with a boyfriend in high school when I was 17. His sexual preferences changed as ours all do, but mine stayed the same and we didn’t like the same things anymore. But that didn’t stop him from getting what he wanted. The second time was when I was 18, I don’t remember anything between meeting a guy friend at the park, to waking up in the bushes with my pants down and blood in between my legs. But when I was 19 in 2015 was the worst one… the one that leaves me lying awake at night and the endless panic attacks was that from a guy I met online. I met him off of Plenty of Fish, and we had already gone out on our first date. Everything went well and he seemed like a really nice guy. So we went out on… Continue reading »

I guess it was rape

Took me 6 years before I told myself that I was raped. It was valentines day 2011 when I was with my boyfriend, I was with him for maybe 4 months by that time (just a dumb high school relationship). He always pressured me for sex, but I always told him no as I was a virgin and wanted to keep it for marriage. On valentines day I guess I finally gave in, but I would only let him go so far. He just wanted to put the “tip” of it in, nothing more, and with no condom. Why I said OKAY is beyond me, maybe it was my way of hoping that he would stop asking? I was FREAKED OUT about it, wasn’t comfortable with the idea, and was waiting for him to simply get off of me. Instead HE decided on pushing all the way in, something I wasn’t prepared for, and something… Continue reading »

My story

How did I get here? I am not really sure. I can look back and see where things went off the rails but it was a long ways until they came to a full stop. Here I am, 35 years old, sitting in an office that I can hardly pay for, waiting for clients that never call, scheming how I’m going to get my next break. On the surface, I appear calm. Cool. Collected. Intelligent. Under the surface, I’m a volcano waiting to explode. Only a few know. They flee. I have no one. Not one person. Not one person who cares enough to even ask me how I’m doing. MY former friend has this tattoo she got on her arm. Something about being kind always because you don’t know what someone is going through. It’s a bullshit tattoo. Even she left. Just words. Nothing behind it. I lost my mind in the last year…. Continue reading »

Was led by the quarterback

I can’t believe I’m sharing this. I can’t believe I’ve come up with the strength to do it. I apologize in advance for writing so much.. Until this day the only person who knew was my husband. It happened to me when I was 17. He was 17 too. He was the quarterback of our high school and every girl wanted to be with him and every guy wanted to be him. So you could understand my excitement when I recieved a snapchat from him. Now, before I get ahead of myself. I was born and raised in a Christian church and believed in saving myself for someone special. Back to the story. He started off by saying how pretty I was and he had seen me in the halls and just had to get to know me. So we continued talking but never at school. The first time we hung out was at a… Continue reading »

Was it my fault?

I have been with my boyfriend from the age of 13, I am now 20years old. He is the love of my life. Just over 1 year ago our perfect bubble was shattered. I was out drinking with my step sister. I remember feeling like the alcohol had definitely hit me but It was no more than a buzz. Then all of a sudden I was stumbling around. My body kept going limp and I kept collapsing on the floor. Then I’d be up walking normally again. In all the times I have drunk alcohol, I have never been like that. looking back now I do believe I was drugged. Who done it? I don’t know as I never seen my attacker before then. I bumped into my boyfriend’s mum while I was out and she tried to take me home but I kept saying no I’m fine. I wasn’t fine, she was picking me… Continue reading »