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I got away

Recently I went on a date with someone I met online. He was charming, cute, funny and I thought he was kind. He invited me over for some drinks and dinner. We were having a good time and he decided to kiss me. I was excited and enjoyed our kiss until he tried touching my boobs. I immediately told him to stop and I didn’t want to do anything more. He kept telling me I wouldn’t have come over if I didn’t want it. I remember telling him I was sorry if I gave the wrong impression but I wasn’t comfortable and wanted to leave. When I kept trying to get up he kept pulling my arm to make me sit back on the couch and trying to pin me down. I immediately became fearful of the situation. I’ve told men no before but no one has ever ignored my discomfort. After trying to leave… Continue reading »

My Story

There’s something I need to say, but I can’t. I can’t say it out loud. Because if I did then it’d be true. It’d be real. I don’t want it to be real. I just want it to go away. But it’s not going to go away, it’ll never go away. It will continue to weigh on my heart, my conscious mind, my sub conscious, my every being. I need to let it go. I need to talk about it to finally be free of this and move on. It’s time to let this go. A while back I was seeing this guy. Someone I had met a few years prior to this event. He seemed like a nice guy, a good guy, and as we started to hang out more, I felt myself being comfortable with the idea of him possibly being my boyfriend. Something I never thought to consider before, I’ve been very… Continue reading »

Date gone wrong

I met this guy on tinder. we texted back and forth and flirted for a few days. After two weeks of doing that, we finally made plans to meet up and watch a movie. I felt comfortable inviting him over because I knew my roommates would be home and i live in a gated community with really strict security. We agreed we would watch a movie but i was open to the idea of doing more. I had 2 beers while we hung out and watched Netflix. We talked, laughed and got to know each other, it was all going very well. We started making out and i noticed things might be going further. I was ok with having sex, and i told him where to get the condom. When we started having sex, he was wearing a condom but by the time it was over he wasn’t. I looked at him horrified, and he… Continue reading »

Scar

I trusted a lot of people, never in my mind, I thought they will harm me, but I was wrong. I was hurt in a lot of ways. My boyfriend at that moment, he was sweet at first but everything changes the longer we were together. He never likes it when I was with my friend, he was always jealous. We argue so much, once I told him that if he doesn’t change I will leave. That got him more, He was heated. I just remember feeling my face burning. He burns me and kisses me and I push him. I didn’t know what to do but walk away. The next couple of days I wasn’t texting him as much. He asks me if I can go to his house so we can talk and hang out. I said it was fine, I will after school. So, I went, it was just us, we always… Continue reading »

Date rape

The beginning of my last relationship was amazing… It all started when we first meet my freshman year… I really liked him and we have known each other our whole lives. One day, we were hanging out and he’s like, “Would you like to go on a date with me?” I looked at him all confused because I thought he didn’t like me like that… I said sure, thinking that our relationship would work. The first day we were dating, he bought me flowers, chocolate, whipped cream, and he bought me a new phone because mine was broken. We set it up and then I downloaded Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter… That night i met his parents and I didn’t realize that he lived down the street from me… I liked him so much, but it hurt a lot to know what he did to me… He cheated on me so many times… I kept… Continue reading »

I’m Not Easy

It happened on April 10, 2017. I hadn’t been with anybody since a hard breakup a year before. I was finally moving on and I started talking to this boy. We flirted often and texted constantly. Finally, we were hanging out. He even introduced himself to my mom and I thought he seemed like a gentleman. I met his parents then we were off to his bedroom to play xbox and watch movies. That’s where I was stupid and should’ve left. Within 5 minutes of me meeting this boy in person, he said he wanted to change into something more comfortable. Without a breath, he pulled his pants off and I noticed he had no underwear on and he was hard. He planned for this to happen. He put on shorts and got comfortable on the bed. I chose to ignore it and I laid by him. Next thing I knew, he was forcing his… Continue reading »

Raped by boyfriend

August 2017 I was raped by someone I was dating. This had happened at the very beginning when we started dating. I had gone over his house and we were outside talking in my car. He asked me if I wanted to get off I said yes thinking we were just going to be sitting outside on the porch. (It was my first time going inside his house)He took me into his house to his room and we started making out. He reached to unbutton my jeans and I told him to stop. He kept asking me why and I just kept telling him i didnt want to I kept saying no multiple times. I was embarrassed to tell him I was on my period. He wasn’t taking no for an answer so I finally just told him I was on my period thinking he was going to stop trying to take off my jeans… Continue reading »

was raped and I don’t remember it

I hung out with some people one knew and two that were strangers just to get liqour for me and my boyfriend can drink it when he got back from a month of us apart. I had a couple sips of it and before I knew it I had blacked out. I told them how much I loved my boyfriend that I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my whole life and Id never cheat or be with anyone else. I told them if the driVer is too drunk I can catch an Uber Home . I can’t remeber anything of that night. I woke up the next morning in my friends bed with the wrong pants on. He told me he “took care of me” and that I pissed the bed. But I felt violated. I had uti and I felt sore and I started bursting into tears. But I didn’t remember anything…. Continue reading »

Speaking Out

It’s hard talking about what no one wants to talk about. It’s hard writing down something no one wants to hear. It’s hard remembering something you wish you would just forget, but here I am, remembering. It has been 15 months since I was sexually assaulted. I know that is a heavy statement to read, because it’s a heavy statement for me to declare. I remember everything vividly, as if it was not months, but days ago. I remember the pain and the fear, I remember the betrayal. I had spent years obsessing over the same boy that was now gripping me so tightly against him that I thought I might shatter. I spent years ignoring the signs that were warning me of the inevitable, and since then, I have spent months blaming myself for it. I never thought this would happen to me, and I never thought that he would be my perpetrator. I… Continue reading »

It was never…..That

I had the same boyfriend through most of high school. We went to the games. We went to dances. We went to the movies. We ate pizza. The basics, you know? Of course, I had a vagina, and he needed one. So we went to the backseat. We went there. We had handys in the movies, We, I think you get it. It was what he wanted, so I had to do it. I never decided I wanted to, just I was supposed to. I could attend to myself all I wanted when I got home. We separated at graduation, and he went upstate to play football, and pretend to go to school, and I waitress and cashiered my way through community. I graduated to administrative assistant where I answered phones, arranged schedules, and delivered a derriere to be accidently run into to protect the furniture. Everyone told me how beautiful I looked at the… Continue reading »