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Survivor

I was raped for two years. And that was only the first person. During that two years there were others who tried and one who succeeded. All of this happened before my 18th birthday. My first relationship began when I was 16, it only took him a week into it to say if I didn’t start having sex he wasn’t going to stay with me. He was the first guy to really pay me any attention, a tale as old as time I know. So I had sex with him. And it was a first time that I don’t wish upon anyone. He picked me up and we drove to his mom’s townhouse. He wasted no time in taking off my clothes and pulling me into his bedroom. With no trace of romance or care he pushed himself inside of me and then got mad at me when I said I was in pain. Angrily… Continue reading »

I forgot, but then I remembered

He hit me in the back of the skull with a beer bottle. I didn’t have much time to prepare–we had gotten into a drunken argument and he lunged towards me. The last thing I remembered was the cold, hard glass snuffing out my consciousness. Everything remained dark for four years after that, until one day I remembered. I remembered laying on the ground, my head throbbing and my lungs fighting to breathe. I faded in and out of consciousness. Every time I came to I could hear his moaning, and felt him pushing himself inside of me. I was too weak to fight back, so I laid there while he took what he wanted from me. Afterwards he left, and I stayed in the same spot for hours until I finally found the strength to stand. I forgot, but then I remembered. Now I can’t seem to let it go. I’ll pray for you,… Continue reading »

Broken vase

A few weeks ago I was raped one Saturday night. It was by someone who I love dearly, and I want to trust completely- my boyfriend. We had become intimate and more affectionate with each other, and up until this point it was consensual and within my boundaries. We had healthy communication in our relationship, and I made it clear that I was not ready to go all the way and I wanted to get to know each other more. He agreed with me and was receptive and respectful of my standpoint. However, after a while I felt pressure to progress things further than I would have liked to. When it happened we had been kissing, cuddling and feeling each other. He wanted to take it further, and yet again I said ‘no, I’m not ready.’ so he listened, and held me in his arms until we nearly drifted off to sleep. I will be… Continue reading »

Close of a Brother

Growing up my brother would tell me we had to sick together because we were the only children who’s father was not around. My brother little by little starting age 6 he would kiss me then hump. eventually i was age 7 or 8 he’d begin having intercourse. To this day i hate seeing a man’s eyes roll in the back of his head while he is on top of me. I hated him Pumping on top of me. To make things worst my mother found him on top of me and beat us assuming it was mutual sex I’m guessing because he was only one year older This memory I pushed out of my head for years 20 years and now I’m realizing how much shame I felt I’m aware of the bad choices I made because of it. I’m also stuck because my family just moved my my brother still views me as… Continue reading »

Stop

A few weeks back I was raped. It was by someone who I love dearly and want to trust completely- my boyfriend. We were becoming more intimate and affectionate with each other, but I made it clear to him that I wasn’t ready to go all the way numerous times. We had communicated at length and established that we were both on the same page. But this night we had been intimate again, and I told him we should slow down. He was insistent, but eventually he listened and we dozed off in each other’s arms. I will be honest and say we weren’t wearing anything at this point- which is why I feel what happened was my fault. I was lying on his chest, and he moved out from under me. I tried to turn onto my back and move out of his way, but he pushed me onto my stomach again and got… Continue reading »

I am a survivor

The first time I was molested I was about 4 years old. I barely remember it. My birth mother was very poor and lived with who I’m assuming was a boyfriend or pimp. He used to take me in the bedroom and tell me to take off all my clothes. He would touch me and if I backed away or cried he would spray my eyes with a spray bottle so that I couldn’t stop him. I remember him forcing his fingers inside me and there being a lot of blood and pain. I remember this going on for a while until one day he tied me to the bed and raped me. I think I was 5. I don’t remember much of it happening it’s all blacked out. Shortly after my birth mother was doing prostitution and taught me to do oral to men for money as well. I have flashbacks and nightmares of… Continue reading »

Today, I Let It All Go

My rapist- is what I called him. But I refuse to take ownership of him. I refuse to take the blame for actions. I refuse to hold on to the guilt. Today, I let it all go. My story begins in a high school biology class. A seemingly harmless flirtation, which eventually led me into his arms. He was perfect to me. He wrote poetry and letters, he was over the top with his actions and words. He put on a show, for the world, and for me. No one could look away. Years passed. Everyone loved us (him). He spoke, people listened. He became president of the senior class, I stood by his side silently. We went to prom. I felt so beautiful. As soon as we were in front of the cameras, the feeling dissapated. He posed, he smiled, he laughed, and I was gone. I didn’t even know I was silent. I… Continue reading »

Not safe in my own skin

I had been with my ex for 5 years, I loved him so much. He was not always so cruel, or well maybe he was. From the beginning he cheated on me with like 8 girls. He would deliberately embarrass me out in public. Then became controlling. And paranoid The first time he was violent with me he ended up head butting me in the face! He become rough with me during sex and this went on for three more years, until he raped me when I was pregnant and I ended up miscarrying my twins. It started off consensual. He was on a lot of drugs which I didn’t like, but he was sweet and affectionate. But then he did something I asked him not to do, and he continued. He told me to be quiet but I kept telling him please no. I was in so much pain and crying out he put my hand over… Continue reading »

I was raped last summer

Last summer I meet this guy he was so nice to he asked me out and I said yes then things started to get bad the littlest things would make him mad and he would hit and punch me at this time i had not had sex yet. Everything started to get worse I told him I would leave him if he did not stop. He told me he would and it was good for a week then it was happening again. I told him I was leaving him. He grabbed me by the neck and started to choking me he told me if I left him he would kill me. He pinned me down beating me and then when I thought it was over I looked back and he was taking off his pants and he then raped me.

By my friend

I was hanging with my friend from school. We are both in a mainstream learning disabled program. We were in my room playing a console game. He was excited as he won fight after fight. Without any warning, he threw me down on the rug, and removed my sweat pants. I didn’t think that he was excited in that way, nor what was actually happening, until he entered me. I screamed for him to stop and get off me, though he didn’t until the end. In our classes, we often have to deal with others emotional outbursts. I was in utter shock myself. I composed myself, and told him what he did, mostly the way he did was wrong, and if he did it to someone else, he could go to jail. I was his friend, so I wouldn’t call it, but he had to go, and he couldn’t call me or come over anymore…. Continue reading »