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It was never…..That

I had the same boyfriend through most of high school. We went to the games. We went to dances. We went to the movies. We ate pizza. The basics, you know? Of course, I had a vagina, and he needed one. So we went to the backseat. We went there. We had handys in the movies, We, I think you get it. It was what he wanted, so I had to do it. I never decided I wanted to, just I was supposed to. I could attend to myself all I wanted when I got home. We separated at graduation, and he went upstate to play football, and pretend to go to school, and I waitress and cashiered my way through community. I graduated to administrative assistant where I answered phones, arranged schedules, and delivered a derriere to be accidently run into to protect the furniture. Everyone told me how beautiful I looked at the… Continue reading »

Rape by Boyfriend

I never really told anyone the full extent of mine. I was in my first year of college and had severe body issues. I hated myself and was amazed when a couple of guys asked me out. I clicked with one guy and we started hanging out all the time. Before I really knew what was happening we were spending every day together. He made me feel so guilty for spending time with friends but refused to leave the dorm. I wound up sitting inside With him more often than not. I felt obligated to include him. He slowly started leeching his anger into my life. He told me my friends were all using me and would drop me so fast. “You’re beautiful but no one else wants you for anything but sex”, “You dont have any real friends but me”. It was highly damaging for someone who was already heavily depressed. Because of him… Continue reading »

Long way back

I have gotten out of a very abusive relationship. It started when we were dating, with requesting and then demanding being masturbated in his car. Eventually he wanted oral sex. When his parents were out, he took my virginity, over my objections, and after that regularly wanted sex. He got an apartment, and had me move in with him. I did not pay in, but paid in sex as he wanted it. I had no real say in when, what or how much we did. As we went into our second year, he started to show me for friends. Starting with being partially clothed and doing hand or oral sex acts, to full sex shows. He did not share my services, but showed his control. At that stage, I felt that I had to do things to keep him. It would not occur to me to refuse, or find a new lover. I did not… Continue reading »

Remember as a victim you have done nothing wrong

There are so many opinions. She wore a short skirt. She didn’t say no. She wanted it. Yep… I believe it can be complicated unless you are in the middle of the situation. Then it is very clear. You have said yes or no, or your body has indicated yes or no, very clearly. Historically, silence meant – I abstain. I will not partake. When did silence begin to imply consent? I was talking with a taxi driver recently and he said, from the age of 10 we had clear ideas of what was right and wrong. We knew we should or shouldn’t. There was no doubt. Maybe others were never taught the line or the lines they grew up in were changing. Daily. For me, there are many stories that I can share… many. I don’t share with my friends or family as they will see me as a victim. Then I will suffer… Continue reading »

Surpris à la Maison

A week after my marriage, I had moved into Pantin, outside Paris, with his mother and son. I had my premier day at new occupation. I remove my stockings, and wanted food. My stepson grappled me to my knees. After a fight, I felt him enter inside me. He only did 2 or 3 entry before he collapses on top of me. He apologized that he dreams of me all day. It might allow unusual thoughts, but I allowed it to pass in secrets, to not cause family dissension. He was young and made an awful mistake. We discussed this, but only for him. Before I moved to US. He wanted to do more complete, but I declined offers. He never did violate again. – Pheobe, age 35

An older, popular boy

I was 14, an eighth graders and he was 16 turning 17, a junior in hs. He was very popular in my town and was liked by all the girls. He messaged me on Facebook and we hit it off. He lived a few houses down from me so we would hang out often. We started dating and one day we were at his house alone when he asked if I wanted to have sex. I was still a virgin (he wasn’t) so the question caught me off guard. I really didn’t want to because we just started dating and I wanted to save my virginity for someone I loved. After i told him that, he just kept pressuring me and trying to guilt me into it by saying things like, “I could be with any other girl right now but I’m with you so you need to sacrifice too.” I didn’t want to seem… Continue reading »

I did Not need to know this

Youngest of 3, and I was the most outgoing. I was into sports and clubs, and after school church activities. I came home from field hockey, all sweaty and stinky, and needed a shower like no tomorrow! I went straight in and to my room to get a change of clothes, and someone was in there already! It was my older brother having some heavy sex from the sounds of it, and her legs in the air. Strange that he was in our sister’s bed. He was in our sister! I needed to get out of there! I showered and came back in a towel, and knocked Loudly. I needed clothes to change into, and Yes, I saw that! I don’t want to hear more about it! She talked to me about it later. She told me they were looking at some adult stuff, and he forced himself on her. She was ultra embarrassed at… Continue reading »

Molested by my biological father

When I was almost 10 years old my father started molesting me. He would come into my room and pretend he was there to help me fall asleep but all he was doing was touching me. I’m crying right now just remembering how scared, dirty, defenseless I felt every night. For eight years I felt like this. I was always afraid to go to bed because I knew that he would follow me. I never told anyone but I am sure my mom knew what was going on. I remember one day when I was 11, my sister and I were sick and we fell asleep in my parents bedroom watching tv; I was woke up in the middle of the night by my am dad touching me. This is how I know my mom knew, she was in that same bed! As I grew old enough to know the situation and to understand that… Continue reading »

My younger brother

I live at home with an alcoholic bipolar dad and my has lost all dignity and self-love. I moved away from my home because of my abusive father and our tenant would talk about how he wanted to be with a younger woman, and touch me inappropriately. My parents convinced me to come home, telling me they would kick him out and get me a lock on my door so my dad would not be allowed in my room if i did not want him to be. Ive always been a protective older sister to my younger brothers who are oblivious to how dysfunctional out family is. So when my little brother kept asking me every day to sleep in my bed (because his had trash on it from cleaning his room) i figired id just be giving him a safe place to fall asleep for a few days. I was awoken to him on… Continue reading »

#MeToo, too

I promised my friends I would share, but I’m not ready to come full out, and I hope everyone understands. I have been raped repeatedly since the age of 11 by a family member. He has been gentle, but I feel wrong. He got me pregnant on 2 occasions and had me abort. It was a regular thing until I moved out after college. He continues to insist on it into my adulthood, but I am better at avoiding situations where we are alone. He managed it a few weeks ago. My mother doesn’t know, and I am ashamed of being used. Only my closest friends know until today, and they want me to come out for #MeToo, but I’m not Ready, Please? — Survivor, age 25