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Realization of Rape

I am a 20 year old female. This year I realized I was raped. One day I was reading an open letter a survivor wrote to her abuser. As I was reading, it hit me: that’s what happened to me. I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew. I had been raped. It happened four years ago, when I was 15. He was my first boyfriend. At first the sex was consensual. But then he started getting rough. He would go for up to two hours. It hurt. I would say no and stop, but he wouldn’t. I couldn’t have stopped him. So I would just take it. For at least four months this continued to happen. I stopped saying no out loud, but I would be screaming it in my head. He’d force me to give him blowjobs even it took a half hour for him to finish. He wouldn’t stop until he… Continue reading »

Rape Victim / Rapist in Hollywood

I am a member of the private MeToo group. I have seen some of the members get their stories on your site. I would like to share my story as I think it’s important. My rapist, who even admitted on a recorded line, raping me and other children, will face no punishment because of statute of limitations laws. He walks the street a free man. I feel because I am a male and not famous, my story is not being shared publicly. So, I went ahead, made a website and posted just some of the evidence the police have. This is an epidemic and we need change. — Survivor, age 32

Why Didn’t You Speak Up?

I was molested and raped by my sisters fiancee. He lived in the house with us and I had known him for years. He got as close to me as he could by trying to be a “big brother” and a friend. I loved this person like a brother and was so happy for my sister who had finally found happiness after a long struggle with depression. From the time I was 11 until I was 14 he took advantage of the bond he had faked with our entire family. He emotionally abused me to the point of being unable to go one day without having panic attacks as I was sure everyone could somehow tell I was different and disgusting. He made me believe it was consensual and that nobody who actually knew me could love me. He made every move and said every word he needed to in order to control me and… Continue reading »

He Loved Me

He was my best friend. He had loved me for years. I trusted him. I was 18. We had just graduated high school. I went out drinking with some friends and he offered to be our designated driver. Later that night, when I got sick he offered to take care of me and help me get to bed. No one blinked an eye. Why would they? Why would someone who loved me the way he did ever take advantage? I remember lying in bed. I was cold and shivering. So he held me. I can’t remember how it started, but he kissed me. I shied away and said no. He kissed me again and I told him I didn’t want to and that I loved my partner (currently out of town). I was cold. He rubbed his hands all over my body. They were warm and it felt nice. He kissed me again. I felt… Continue reading »

A Different MeToo

This is the first time relating how I was sexually abused. That is not the story. As a late teen, I ran afoul of a bully. In addition to the cliché treats to beat me, and take my cash, he gave me the high value for letting me give him head. This meant he’d be satisfied, and not rape me for his satisfaction. About once a week or so, he got his protection paid. His group got to watch and comment. It was at one of these displays that his brother visited from foster care, and was invited for an entertaining afternoon. I had just started on the bully, and he announced that he might want to take full sex anyway. He ripped my shirt almost in pieces, and torn my waistband. I had little fighting ability, and figured this was about to be my first time. He grunted, and turned away, as his brother… Continue reading »

It was never…..That

I had the same boyfriend through most of high school. We went to the games. We went to dances. We went to the movies. We ate pizza. The basics, you know? Of course, I had a vagina, and he needed one. So we went to the backseat. We went there. We had handys in the movies, We, I think you get it. It was what he wanted, so I had to do it. I never decided I wanted to, just I was supposed to. I could attend to myself all I wanted when I got home. We separated at graduation, and he went upstate to play football, and pretend to go to school, and I waitress and cashiered my way through community. I graduated to administrative assistant where I answered phones, arranged schedules, and delivered a derriere to be accidently run into to protect the furniture. Everyone told me how beautiful I looked at the… Continue reading »

Rape by Boyfriend

I never really told anyone the full extent of mine. I was in my first year of college and had severe body issues. I hated myself and was amazed when a couple of guys asked me out. I clicked with one guy and we started hanging out all the time. Before I really knew what was happening we were spending every day together. He made me feel so guilty for spending time with friends but refused to leave the dorm. I wound up sitting inside With him more often than not. I felt obligated to include him. He slowly started leeching his anger into my life. He told me my friends were all using me and would drop me so fast. “You’re beautiful but no one else wants you for anything but sex”, “You dont have any real friends but me”. It was highly damaging for someone who was already heavily depressed. Because of him… Continue reading »

Long way back

I have gotten out of a very abusive relationship. It started when we were dating, with requesting and then demanding being masturbated in his car. Eventually he wanted oral sex. When his parents were out, he took my virginity, over my objections, and after that regularly wanted sex. He got an apartment, and had me move in with him. I did not pay in, but paid in sex as he wanted it. I had no real say in when, what or how much we did. As we went into our second year, he started to show me for friends. Starting with being partially clothed and doing hand or oral sex acts, to full sex shows. He did not share my services, but showed his control. At that stage, I felt that I had to do things to keep him. It would not occur to me to refuse, or find a new lover. I did not… Continue reading »

Remember as a victim you have done nothing wrong

There are so many opinions. She wore a short skirt. She didn’t say no. She wanted it. Yep… I believe it can be complicated unless you are in the middle of the situation. Then it is very clear. You have said yes or no, or your body has indicated yes or no, very clearly. Historically, silence meant – I abstain. I will not partake. When did silence begin to imply consent? I was talking with a taxi driver recently and he said, from the age of 10 we had clear ideas of what was right and wrong. We knew we should or shouldn’t. There was no doubt. Maybe others were never taught the line or the lines they grew up in were changing. Daily. For me, there are many stories that I can share… many. I don’t share with my friends or family as they will see me as a victim. Then I will suffer… Continue reading »

Surpris à la Maison

A week after my marriage, I had moved into Pantin, outside Paris, with his mother and son. I had my premier day at new occupation. I remove my stockings, and wanted food. My stepson grappled me to my knees. After a fight, I felt him enter inside me. He only did 2 or 3 entry before he collapses on top of me. He apologized that he dreams of me all day. It might allow unusual thoughts, but I allowed it to pass in secrets, to not cause family dissension. He was young and made an awful mistake. We discussed this, but only for him. Before I moved to US. He wanted to do more complete, but I declined offers. He never did violate again. – Pheobe, age 35