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I Barely Knew Them

When I was 15, I went to the parade for my local fire department with my best friend. I was in good spirits, and the day seemed to be going well. As it was getting dark, my friend and I met this group of 4 guys in the park, and my friend thought they were all cute and immediately began flirting with them. I was/still am a lot more shy than her, so it took me a while to warm up, but I did eventually. After a bit of chit chat, my friend went off with one of them to go make out or whatever which seemed in innocent enough. I wasn’t comfortable with her leaving but I didn’t want to hold her back. When she left, another one of these new acquaintances went home, so I was left with 2 of them. Immediately I got more uncomfortable. It was late at this time, so… Continue reading »

He Was a Cop

Just writing this brings tears to my eyes. It’s still so raw to me even if it was two years ago. I was 18 and I started dating this cop I had make at my gas station job after he’d contacted me on Facebook. I’d liked him for so long I couldn’t believe he actually liked me. Whenever we’d text he’d always ask me did I want to ride out with him after duty. I turned him down but I finally said yes one night. We we’re supposed to stay in town but he took me across state lines when we were only supposed to talk. I was hoarse with a bad cold I even left my glasses but he drove me an hour and thirty minutes from home. He was so off that night and he scared me. He looks scary. He got mad at me and took my phone away from me even… Continue reading »

What’s Done Is Done

I have had few sexual experiences but none of them have been entirely consensual. My first experience was when I was 14, I was playing truth or dare with what had been my two closest friends, a brother and a sister. I was dared to have sex with the brother while the sister watched. I kept saying no to begin with but they started using peer pressure and using their continued friendship against me so I had to say yes. I come from a small town, I had to keep what few friends I had. I lived on a large property at the time so all three of us went for a walk, eventually they stopped and told me to get on the ground and take off my pants. I did as I was told and it wasn’t long before the guy got on top and entered me. I was extremely uncomfortable and told them… Continue reading »

Still Think It Was My Fault

I don’t really know what to say. I am currently 17 years old and i would need 4 hands to count all the “men” i can somewhat recall sleeping with. Lets just say nothing really phases me. I feel as if bad things are happening all the time. Around me and too me so i don’t let anything bother me. Ive been passed out drunk before and have had sex with “men” without knowing or remembering what happened. I even remember one time i was hanging out with these 2 guys and the brother was off with his gf and i was with the other brother and i was 2 water bottles of Malibu and a handful of pills fucked up and i went to school the next day and everybody was saying things like you guys fucked and nice job to the guy and i was fucking confused? Like what the fuck do you… Continue reading »

First Crush

I was rapped only when I was 15. I was a very shy and extremely beautiful girl and many people wished that when I’ll grow up then they will marry their son with me. I was living a happy and luxurious life and when my father had to go to a foreign country for a business meeting and I also said that I also want to go. We went there and I met three families who were also the richest and most noble families in their country and they were quite happy at having me there and meeting my father as he was also a very rich businessman. Those three uncles were brothers and they each had one son. I met their sons and they were so handsome that I had my first crush on one of them. I also felt that they are attracted towards me but we didn’t show it neither we talked… Continue reading »

Childhood Abuse

I don’t know how to say this. But I’ve just started to have memory’s come back to me bits and pieces. I am 14 years old and a girl. My step sister would come over to visit,she is a year older than me. She would always wanna play games like where I would be the daddy and she would be the mommy. She would touch me and rub on me. If I told her I didn’t want to or if I said no and she kept going i would threaten to tell my mom and then she’d say she would blame me, say I wanted to and it was my idea me being younger I believed her. I don’t know what age I was I don’t remember. But the second time we moved into a new house. Next door there was a boy I don’t remember his name. But one day he came over to… Continue reading »

Life of Trauma

When I was 5 I was adopted with my brother and sister. That’s when the abuse started. There are a lot of memories that I have blacked out but I can’t get rid of everything. The abuse started with me since I was the oldest. At that time I just tried to protect my brother and sister.that caused more. Originally I was only slapped but it slowly graduated to the point where my adopted mom tried and treated to kill me. I remember many nights when she came home I wished that I could be perfect or dead because I knew she would choke and beat me. At 12 I tried running away but it was useless because she lied and the cops didn’t believe me. The following year I was 13 and playing a game of chess with my bother when she she came into the room. We happens to be talking about running… Continue reading »

Raped By My Therapist

I am a survivor of childhood abuse including sexual abuse by my father. In 1995, when I was 40 yrs of age, I started talking about the abuse to a social worker in my doctor’s office. He told me that he was the ex partner and father of the children of the woman who was then the director of the local rape crisis centre. Knowing this information made it easier to trust him. He arranged for me to go to a group for survivors of childhood sexual assault at the rape crisis centre. After seeing him for talk therapy sessions for a few months he told me that we would be meeting after my doctor and her staff had left for the day because my doctor needed the office space during her office hours. After I had been seeing him for about 8 months he asked me to go to his home for a session… Continue reading »

Enough Is Enough

I am now 22, at 18 I had my first real boyfriend, who completely mentally and emotionally abused me, but of course in that moment I was in complete denial of the whole situation. After about a year of going out, things were getting worse. One night while having sex I asked him to please stop because it was painful for me, he kept going and said “shhhh” and put his hand over my mouth. I was just so traumatized! I never went to the cops, I only told my friends after the relationship ended. So fast forward to early 2014. I meet this great guy, fall in love, as we got to know each other, I opened up about my past and he just kept putting me down asking why I never did anything; why didn’t I go to the cops, why didn’t I get him beaten up. The answer is that I was… Continue reading »

Betrayed By My Own Mind

I had a shower, and sat on the floor with my legs crossed and my head resting on the glass, for maybe a good 45 minutes trying to meditate or at least practice some mindfulness breathing that our marriage counsellor suggest I try. I can’t. I can’t for more than a few seconds just sit there and let the water flow over me and breathe, my hands twitch. I find myself unknowingly squeezing my hands or wringing them out almost. I have to stop myself and remind myself to breathe and be here and present and grounded. I even repeat in my head, ‘be grounded” to try and guide my mind. I feel almost infected with some kind of flesh eating disease that is eating me from the inside out. I struggle to be alone in my mind, because my thoughts fly through so fast and so quickly that I barely have a chance to… Continue reading »