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The First Man In My Life

Was my father. He was a religious zealot. x 3 every Sunday, morning evening services and Sunday school in between. He helped build a new church roof over many weekends, leaving me with negligent babysitters, some cruel. All Church people. He had my mother committed to a psychiatric hospital 12 years before I was born. Because he insisted on receipts for all house keeping money spent, after being enraged that she bought herself a bottle of oil of Ulay (Olay in America). The lady in the Bakers shop couldn’t provide a receipt to be in compliance with his new law. It was the 1940’s. My mother kept insisting she must have one, but didn’t get it. I remember him shouting at her abusively on many occasions. The lady in the Bakery complained to him his wife had made a fuss. He had the right to have her “sectioned” for making a public nuisance of herself under some antiquated… Continue reading »

Silent Rape

I spent twenty years of my life with my ex husband, 16 of them engaged to him and 4 married to him, we had 3 children. He was a jealous, abusive husband who used to accuse me of sleeping with an ex boyfriend of mine but I never did. Seven years before my ex husband and I split up a bus driver was paying me a lot of attention when I was going home from work. He seemed very friendly and then one day he turned up in his car, not his bus and I got in to the car. He took me to his house, I was so afraid to go home because I had spent a long time at this bus driver’s house, I knew my husband would be really angry so I stayed with the bus driver for 10 days. I know it was wrong of me but we had consensual sex… Continue reading »

Raped at 13

I was raped when I was 13 by a man that my dad knew. I did not tell anyone until I was 18. My parents’ reaction was disbelief and mostly silence. I felt lime my dad did not believe me. That hurt me psychologically more than the rape did.

Let Down

When my siblings and I were little, we were molested by a man that forced himself into our lives. My oldest brother was 9, other brother was 5 my sister was 3 and I was two. This man was a guy my mom knew from the bar down the street from our home (my mom was an alcoholic after my dad passed). They were just acquaintances, but once she heard free babysitter, it was all down hill. I don’t remember a lot, only bits and pieces that I discovered in therapy. What I do remember is this guy making me perform oral sex on him, touching me and my sister; he also beat us including my brothers. This went on for an entire year until my oldest brother told our grandmother what happened. Children services were called and we were ultimately taken from our mother and put in foster care. My sister and I were… Continue reading »

1990

1990 was the year when I was going to turn 21 years old…..I went to Geneva and fell in love with a man. I will call him M in my story. We went out for a few dates and then he did not want to meet me anymore. Nothing happen between us…We just had a few dinners. I was of course very sad over the fact that he did not want to meet me anymore… I was very timid…did not have that much self confidence at that time. One day I met his 20 year older friend…I will call him C in my story. C invited me out for a coffee one late afternoon…..I said yes as I wanted as much info about M as I could get….. After sitting talking for hours and hours he asked me if I wanted to have something to drink…..I asked him for a coca cola and he went… Continue reading »

Seis Años

A los seis años fui a la fiesta de una tia buela una de las tantas reuniones que hacen en mi familia y cuando fui al baño el hijo de esa tia me llevo a su cuarto y abuso de mi yo trate de llamar a mi mama pero tenian el volumen de la musica demasiado alta que no pudieron escucharme el me dijo que no dijera nada que me haria mas daño aun si decia algo yo le crei y no dije nada el abuso de mi durante un año luego de eso viajo a españa en donde vive ahora yo luego de 7 años le dije a mi madre y ella me dijo que porque no hable antes pero aun asi no hizo nada contra el nunca mas toque el tema con ella porque me imagino que tiene verguenza al que diran en la familia ahora tengo 23 años estoy casada y tengo… Continue reading »

Still Carry the Anger

AFTER 15 YEARS I STILL CARRY AROUND THE ANGER OF WHAT MY FATHER AND NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR DID TO ME. BOTH OF THESE MEN WERE OLDER AND I WAS ABUSED FROM THE AGES OF 12-18. 7 YEARS OF MY LIFE LIVING IN FEAR, 7 YEARS OF MY LIFE SLEEPING WITH A NIGHT LIGHT ON, 7 YEARS OF MY LIFE HAVING TROUBLE IN SCHOOL, SUFFERING FROM EATING DISORDERS, GETTING IN FIGHTS OFTEN, CAUSING MAJOR PROBLEMS IN SCHOOL, DRINKING, GETTING KIDS DRUNK. MY FATHER PASSED AWAY BEFORE I COULD CONFRONT HIM WITH THE TRAUMA I WOULD LIVE WITH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT HIM COMING INTO MY ROOM, STARRING THROUGH THE PEEP HOLE, ASKING IF HE COULD GET IN BED WITH ME, TRYING TO SEE ME NAKED, FONDLING ME THE LIST GOES ON. THE OTHER DISTURBED SOUL STILL LEARKS AROUND IN A SMALL TOWN IN TEXAS AND I KNOW FOR A… Continue reading »

Boyfriend Hell

When I was 20 years old I was dating someone I met offline. I would go to his place every other weekend. We’ll the one time I went his him, his friend, and i were all hanging out till about 12 midnight. I got up to go to the bedroom to change i had my shirt off when he came in. He acted all nice to me before walking up to me. He then pulled my shorts down to my ankles and started raping me. I wished it would be over soon 20 minutes later he stopped. Walked out and locked the door not even a minute later he walked in saw me pulling my shorts up grabbed me by the back of my hair hair saying that he wasn’t done with me only to throw me down on my stomach. He continued to rape me for another 40-45 minutes. I bled for three months… Continue reading »

13 and Raped

I had already been molested by my older brothers friend, whom I liked but I was 10 or 11 yrs old and he was 17,I knew nothing of sex. He kissed me and fondled me. I was scared but I also liked his attention and it kind of reminded me of the movies. Then we moved to another city. I was grateful to start over. Then when I was thirteen I had another crush on a boy he was 14 a popular boy and he called me one Saturday and said to meet him down by the river. I stopped at a girlfriends to ask her to come with me and she couldn’t and within the next hour he raped me. I never have told my parents. I should have never been there I felt I was to blame. I remember running home so fast and when I looked down I had blood streaking down… Continue reading »

Harder Than Expected

“This path I’m on is harder than I expected. I hope I’m living up to your expectations. I’m trying my best to be of help to other women. Even if it’s just one.” These words spoken so truthfully and beautifully by Linor are a mantra I go back to time and time again. I hold these words even closer tonight. My 28th birthday was 6 days ago and I’m left with the aching reality and pain knowing my entire family will not talk to me. I reported my abuse to the police 3 months ago. Within 24 hours it was picked up by a detective in the sex crimes unit. Within 2 days I was propelled into a whirl wind of what standing for my truth and healing really would be. One month ago the detective started investigating and bringing my family in for questioning. One month ago my family, by there own choice, stopped… Continue reading »