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Believe it or Not, It happened to me

was raped 29 years ago. I was Party Raped, Gang Raped, whatever you want to call it. 1989 I was 14, and raped by my ex boyfriend and 2 of his friends (who I had never spoke to). I will save all the details. I was Drunk, beyond drunk, and already passed out on a mattress on the floor, I believe now my ex done this for revenge, I really don’t know. I didn’t report it because I was not supposed to be where I was, and definitely not suppose to be drunk. Also how embarrassing would it be for a 14 year old girl living in the Bible Belt of the South to have to let everybody know what happened, the details are awful enough, I was too drunk to fight, I couldn’t even sit up. And the MESSED up part is I still had feelings for my ex. Long story short,he was my… Continue reading »

I Didn’t Know I Was Raped

Upon the eve of my 21st birthday my boyfriend of the time (who was everything to not date in a man) raped me. We went to a bar and were drinking. I am not even a fan of bars. I wanted to go camping, but he insisted. (Side Note: After we broke up I went on dates with four different guys to see what was out there. Every single one of them treated me better than he treated me our entire relationship. Like, the little things they did in comparison, blew my mind. How they thought of me, how kind they were, and how much they payed attention to detail, BLEW MY MIND. It was stuff that shouldn’t have even blew my mind, but did. It did because I was treated like shit emotionally for so long that I didn’t even know anything else. If a man (or my bad, boy) ever makes you question… Continue reading »

It is not my fault

The first incident I can really vividly remember was my freshman year of high school. I went to a school that required us to wear uniforms and I had to take the metro to school every day. I was sitting down by myself and a guy got on the train and, despite almost all other seats being empty, he sat down next to me. The first few minutes were fine but I started to feel something on my thigh. I looked down and saw his hand there, moving up my skirt. Shocked, I pushed it off of my leg and turned away as much as I could. He did it again, but I was too scared to yell or scream for help. I pushed him off the seat and got off the train at the next stop. I didn’t tell anyone for a long time, I was too embarrassed. My sophomore year of high school… Continue reading »

It never goes away

July 12 2008. That wasn’t the day I was raped. It was the day I was to be married to my rapist. He developed a drinking problem. He was always verbally abusive, though I didn’t recognize it at first. When he became physically abusive in November 2007, I began my escape. I let him pull me back in though…I always thought if he got help we’d be together and for a moment I thought he had. Social media was advanced enough at that time for me to find out he was falling into old patterns. I ended the rekindling. A few months later he was moving to Louisiana. He needed someone to watch the house he bought and the dog we had. I had been living with my parents and was getting sick of being 22 with a ‘curfew’. He asked me to move back and watch the house and dog. He wasn’t supposed to… Continue reading »

The reason for my tattoo

So I decided that I will be getting a new tattoo, it’s my tattoo that tells the story of my rape, and that i am a survivor and not a victim anymore. I changed my major in college from nursing to social work because I want to make a change in how rape victims are seen. I want to advocate and make sure victims get the justice they deserve so they can go from victim to survivor. When i was raped it happened in the fall of 2016. I went to this guy’s house to watch football and just hang out. I really didn’t pay much attention to the game because we where talking, he told me he had a daughter and about his life, how he’s trying to become a better person for his daughter. I felt comfortable with him, maybe that was because we started to drink. I had one to many drinks… Continue reading »

When i was stripped of my innocence

when i was younger, about 6/7, an older man (about 17) approached me at a park late at night and told me my pants were undone and that he would help me do them up, he brought me to a park bench and proceeded to stick his hand down my pants and feel my private area. I was so young and didn’t understand what was happening but i knew i didnt like it. I grabbed his hand from out of my pants and started crying and running home. To this day my parents don’t know it happened, i told them i was crying because it was dark out (because it was about 8pm) and it haunts me everyday. The memory is so vivid and i cant get it out of my head. I hope this man was caught and i hope he never did this to any other little girls.

Was i raped?!

So last week I was with my friend and one of her guy friends. We were staying at his place. We all went out for drinks. I got very very drunk and have no recollection of coming home. My next memory is only two seconds long of him naked on top of me. Then my mind goes blank again. I remember waking up a while after completely naked and getting changed into pjs. I was very confused and unsure of what happened. A few days later my friend told me that he told her we had had unprotected sex, but I remember none of it. I was never even slightly attracted to him so I doubt that changed when I was drunk! The next day he was all friendly again as if nothing happened. Did he rape me? — Survivor, age 19

5 years now

I have noticed that 5 years now i have become really afraid of men , people and everyone in general .I had tried to make myself think that that’s happening because somewhere someone made fun of me .Thats a lie . When i was younger , everyone who tried to make fun of me was being humiliated by me i was a fierce and outspoken girl In my senior year some guys flirted with me 3-4 times by telling me that i was pretty telling me that they want yo sleep with me and that a friend of them likes me Again i was afraid and i thought that was because they were mocking me or because i was not used to flirting .The cause was different. I was started to remembering that i had been molested at 14 and my fear of men exists since then and all these years i was fooling myself…. Continue reading »

His life ended tragically, but my pain lives on.

I was 4 and living in a cramped 3 bedroom apartment with 7 relatives, namely my aunt, uncles and grandmother. My parents worked hard at their factory jobs to pay off their own home and to earn a decent wage to support our family. They will visit me in the evenings and then return home. Being the only child at the time, I will play pretend in my grandmothers’ clothes and liked to pretend that I was a schoolteacher. I don’t suppose that I had much attention because everyone was busy with their own lives. In my country and society, caning and hitting children was de rigueur and I had already experienced that at age 4 by the adults in that household. One day while my grandmother was doing the dishes, I repeatedly asked her to help me with something but she kept saying no. Out of nowhere, my uncle came towards me and kicked… Continue reading »

My message to all

As I heard the news that Kavanaugh made it into the supreme court, my heart sank. My husband, who follows politics relentlessly, was furious but I was silent and went on with my day. Getting angry would mean that I would have to really think about what this event means to me… and of course I eventually became angry. The anger is partially about Kavanaugh but mostly about the reaction that men have a scary road ahead. If this is you, please read with an open and heart and mind as this idea may affect those you love much more than you know. I do not know that Kavanaugh is guilty of sexual assault, but if he is I really hope he reads this too. If you believe that all of this sexual assault talk is unfair to men then my counter argument is that it is not fair that I have to push out… Continue reading »