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He had my pants down

I remember arriving. there was a recycle bin at the door already overflowing with cans. I remember the loud music. I don’t know when who where or how. the why and what were obvious! I looked down and could see between my legs. he didn’t even take the time to pull my pants all the way off. I could see my area and his organ and my blood. even as he went hard I felt nothing. somewhere I threw up and my clothes had blood. I don’t know how I got home or even inside without help or being seen! I asked around on monday and no one but me knew what happened to me. if it was someone I knew no one could name him. even later the friend I came with didn’t know who and didn’t see me with anyone and didn’t believe me. the main reason was that I didn’t get pregnant…. Continue reading »

Do I even belong here?

I am not sure if my story belongs here or not. but this was the first place I found to share it. I volunteer at a site that pairs it’s volunteers with people in need for anonymous private conversations. as a rule it is a great site. but I found out the hard way it can be exploited. I was talking to a man, and he called me babe at one point in our conversation. I told him I was uncomfortable. he made some comment about leaving and self harming. I told him fine, he could call me babe, I didn’t want him to hurt himself. it gradually got worse. Next he asked if he could masturbate during the conversation. eventually he started demanding I say I loved him, beg to do sexual acts with him and describing what I wanted to do in great detail, even making me tell him about my mother and… Continue reading »

My Interview

On the way to any job interview, how many of you thought through every Nightmare Scenario you could on the way there, Raise your Hands! The ones with their hands down are called Liars! On this day, I went, early of course. Went into the Ladies, to check makeup, use the facilities, blow dry my pits, make sure my 3 copies of my resume were visible on the left of my folder, as the print of their website was on the right. I planned my answers, I knew where I wanted to be in 5 years, what I liked least in my last job, and was absolutely ready for anything. While I was in the stall, a man came in and threw the bolt on the door. The next few minutes are not worth expanding on. He left my locked phone, but took my wallet(cards, cash, keys, IDs, address), so I took a breath, and… Continue reading »

You are not alone

I was 16 and a virgin. I never had a boyfriend at that point, just once shared a kiss before. A female friend was at that time sexual more experienced and wanted to have drinks at her place with 2 male colleagues of her. We drank alcohol and the next thing I know about is the next morning I wake up in a bed full of blood. I went to the bathroom and everything on the floor was full of blood. I had scratches on my arm and my clothes were torn apart. The guy stubbed out cigarettes on my arm. Later the female friend, what I thought she is in that moment, told me I cried for help and plead him that he should let me stay a virgin. His friend wanted to have sex with me as well after he violated me, but my rapist wanted to have me for him alone. Did… Continue reading »

NYD

On the 1st January years ago I woke up in a strangers house. My bag was missing and I had very little recollection of the previous night. I was only 18, and had been looking forward to my first legal NYE celebrations with my friends. I had honestly no idea how I’d got to this house, I had vague memories but nothing really came together fully. A man was there. I asked him how I’d got there and he said he’d seen me walking along the street in the early hours alone and drunk. He said he’d taken me in to help me. I asked if I could borrow his phone so I could contact my friends to pick me up. He said only if I had sex with him. The front door was locked and there was nothing I could do. I try to block out the details of what he made me do…. Continue reading »

Victimization

I went to San Francisco to help a friend move. Afterwards we grabbed a beer. I didn’t even finish half of my beer and I don’t remember much of what happened. A man named Oleg started chatting with my friend and I. I told him I was married and had a child and he seemed interested in my friend. My guard was down. My friend says I started acting funny and she took my purse because I was so “out of it”. I said I had to go to the restroom and she waited by the door but she didn’t know there was another door. He did and I had been drugged. She waited, had my purse and didn’t know what to do. My only real memory of that night is waking up on the floor and he was standing over me in a white bathrobe. When I woke up in the morning I was… Continue reading »

One Night Only

I had been traveling nonstop for weeks. I was running on empty but still managed to pull myself together after a four-hour flight to meet a couple of my friends for dinner. Little did I know, it would only take that one night for my life to change drastically. I wish I never entered the back seat of that car thinking the driver would bring me home safely. I wish the norm was not trusting strangers to chauffeur us around town. I wish I knew I was entering the car of a monster – alone. Prior to the most horrific night (early morning) I could ever imagine, everything in my life was wonderful. I was the happiest I had ever been. I was working towards achieving my goals, I was excited about my future, and I was strong. In the first few hours of May 13, 2017, my world turned upside down. Numb, empty, mortified,… Continue reading »

Today is my time to cry

I am crying my eyes out as I just realized that it is the 27th anniversary of my rape, my 58th birthday and I have just found your film. As a religious Jew wearing a sheitel, I feel protected (hidden) but when I approached my 21rst birthday, I was a symphony orchestra player on full scholarship in the US. I made techuva in France in 2000 I had a concert that night, went back to my studio, and fell asleep. I woke up to a Man on top of me with his hands around my neck. It was either give in or die (fight or flee). My body remained, Part of me came back today. I have never put this on paper before today. The humiliation, the lack of parental compassion and having to meet my parents to celebrate my birthday as though nothing had happened. I couldn’t stay playing on stage, I feared he… Continue reading »

April 8th, 2016

This date changed my life. This was the date that lifted the rug, and uncovered all of the ill, suppressed memories and emotions that I had brushed under it. This was the date that opened my eyes to the exact number of times that I had been sexually assaulted: 6. Society creates these stigmas, stereotypes and ‘profiles’ of rapists and the victims who fell to them. I believed those stereotypes until this day that opened my eyes forever. I was in love once. He was a genuine, caring, selfless and loving man who knew me and my experiences inside and out. We agreed to stop seeing each other after I received a message from his girlfriend. After time had healed my wounds, I agreed to meet him at ‘our’ bar. This man was the only man that I had willingly given myself to in the past, and I arrived at this realization after I had… Continue reading »

Raped at 17

My name is Lauren Bimmlet. I am 27 years old, a Navy veteran and a rape survivor. When I was 17, I was raped in the backseat of a car. I had come from a friends graduation party and his friend offered to take me home. I was a little under the influence and he seemed nice so I said yes. I was going in and out of consciousness but I came fully to when I realized he had pulled the car over on the side of the road. Next thing I knew i was put in the back seat and he was raping me. I was a virgin. I remembered seeing a car drive by and I tried to wave it down but I couldnt move my arms. After it was done he told me to get in the front seat and he drove me home. I couldn’t comprehend what had just happened. I… Continue reading »