I was a 15 year old virgin. Went with my brother to my 27 year old cousin’s house. I knew my cousin very well because I lived with them until I was 5 or 6 even calling his parents mom and dad. I decided to try alcohol for the first time. I was with family..what could go wrong? I trust these people. We needed more alcohol so I rode with him and my aunt to the store. My aunt apparently called a guy and we met him at the lake. My cousin had already been making me feel uncomfortable in the car and I asked my aunt to please not go. I was really drunk! She went anyway.
My cousin started touching me and saying the craziest things. I told him to stop. He put his fingers in me which was my first time for this as well. I kept saying stop please! He then said, if I just would kiss him back one time then he would. So I did but he was trying to take my pants off. I managed to open the car door to try to get away from him. I fell several times trying to get a way. It’s all pretty blurry but I remember him pushing me against the car. My back to his stomach. He pulled my pants down and I felt his penis. I really can’t remember if he got it all the way in or not but just in that moment, my aunt and her friend pulled up and he stopped and pulled mine and his pants up. We acted as if nothing happened.
We dropped my cousin off and my aunt was taking me home when I told her about it. She was not happy but didn’t do anything. I told one of my sisters and begged them not to say anything…she did. They were very upset but then HE called my house to talk to me saying that we were both just drunk. I didn’t know what to do so I just tried to let it go. It wasn’t until then that I remembered him raping me when I was a little girl. Guess I just blocked it out of my memory.
That night changed my life forever. I wasn’t me anymore. I pick a guy a random night to really lose my virginity..it’s like I turned into a crazy whore! I still struggle with these things today. I still have to see him. My whole family still talks and laughs with him. It kills me on the inside and for some strange reason, it’s like I can’t hate him.
— Survivor, age 26