The first time I was raped I was about 7 years old, my uncle raped me in my grandmother’s house, he had previously assaulted my mother when he was younger and my mother was a kid. I was sleeping in my room with my cousin by my side, and I felt someone pulling down my pajama pants, I remember being so scared I pretended to be asleep and tried to pull my pants back on, but he just took them off again, it has taken me 17 years to want to speak out, I wish I could talk to him and ask him why, ask him how he could hurt someone who loved him. To this day I can’t sleep, I can spend entire nights no sleeping even when I’m tired, if someone comes in my room I wake up in a panic, some days I feel so dirty I don’t want to even exist. But I think what’s worse is that the second time it happened I didn’t even tried to stop it, I was 19 years old and my boyfriend at the time (Roberto Castro) pushed me to the floor and raped me, I told him so many times ‘no’ but he didn’t care, I thought ‘maybe if I just stay still he’ll realize I honestly don’t want to have sex’, but either he didn’t or he just didn’t care, when he was done he kissed me and said he loved me, I then had to go to the movies with my parents and pretend nothing happened. The last time I was raped I was 22 years old, it happened at my friend’s room, he said to me bluntly ‘we should have sex’ and I said no, I said that it’d be too weird since we were friends (I didn’t wanna hurt his feelings or something) he then trapped me in the couch, with his body on top of me and kissed me, even then I tried being nice (we all have heard the stories right? plus I get really scared, honestly it makes me feel guilty) I told him ‘See? it was weird’ but he kept going, then he raped me on his bed, later that day he told my friend we had sex, that I blowed him and was pretty bad at it (even though it didn’t happened). I wish I was stronger and braver, I wish I had told someone, I wish I had screamed, push, fight with all I had since I was 7, I wish people would understand that we don’t speak about it because it hurts too much, because we have to come to terms with it first, not that we don’t do it because it didn’t happened or we are crying wolf, it is because it is unimaginable that someone you trust and love could hurt you so badly that you were never the same person after. My uncle is MIA, I tried contact him to tell him I really hope he doesn’t do that to his daughter, I feel so guilty and worried about her, I really wished I had said something earlier.
— Dominicque, age 24