At first I really thought it was normal what happened, but around the age of 12 it started haunting me. At night or during the day, it didn’t matter. I was always scared and wanted never to be seen
I was at that time 7 when he first began to ask me things, like can you undress yourself in front of me, like it was nothing. I didn’t understand it, the only thing I knew was that I didn’t like it. But I was scared of him. And after a few times he asked more, he wanted more of me. That was when he started raping me, he said it was normal. That everyone did this, but still I had to be quiet about it. I wasn’t aloud to talk about it, otherwise he would make me regret it.
I’m not sure anymore for how long it went on, but he luckily stopped when he got a girlfriend. But the pain, nightmares and anxiousness are still around me. He acts like nothing happened, that what he did to me was nothing. Even more like, he did nothing to me
But the fact that I still have to see him every day, that I have to pretend that there is nothing, well that’s killing me. I can’t let it go and I’m scared to talk about it. Because I know when I speak up, nothing will be normal again. I can’t imagine how it would be like then,if my parents would know it. I’m terrified for everything what has to do with it.
Because I know how he is really like, I know how sick he is. But nobody knows that, they act like he is the best in everything, how amazing there son is. Well if I would tell my family, I know that it will be a total shock, that my brother would do that. I’m even scared that they won’t believe me, that I’m crazy..
And somewhere in my heart I can’t find the courage to tell it. Because I don’t want to hurt my parents, and even his girlfriend, even though I don’t like her. But it’s breaking me and I know that it would be better if I would tell it, the only problem is that I’m scared.