When I was 7 or 8 years old, a distant relative was visiting from Minnesota. My parents we’re find of her and thought of her as a daughter because they had lost their own daughter who was about the same age. She brought her brother and both stayed at my home. She was naive and nice, while her brother filled the role of the wannabe slick cool guy. On a few occasions, he would pull me into my parents’ bathroom when yet weren’t home and pull down my pants, exposing my genitals. I tried blocking out the subsequent events, but I recall he got off at looking at my private parts. I would play I’m the living room and he would call me over and wanted to show me something “cool.” He would smoke a cigarette in our house, lift up his shirt, and place the cigarette in his belly button, which “activated” his erection. I wanted to beat this guy up so badly, yet he threatened to hurt me if I told my parents. I still ha ven’t told my parents and it was over 20 years ago. When my friends’ kids want to play with me and even sit on my lap, I have to nicely push them away because I feel it’s in appropriate. I have no urge to molest little kids, but being molested as a kid makes me too aware of what criminals do to children and I’d rather not get caught up in that situation. I feel like an innocence was taken away from me and I’m really careful to embrace little kids because I don’t want any improprieties to be assumed or occur, even though I know it won’t.
I attended a screening of Brave Miss World in Santa Barbara and spoke to Cecilia Peck at the end and she suggested that I write my story here. Her Italian co-producer brought up a resonating comment when she mentioned something along the lines that just because you were molested as a boy doesn’t mean that you will molest other boys. I grew up with men trying to grab my crotch because I was a “cute boy.” That brought a sense of relief to me even though I love women very much. I just wish that this traumatic experience could be deleted from my memory so that I can play with kids, pick them up, and not even have to think about the monsters out there who could do harm to them. Thanks for listening.