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Blamed Myself

It was a year ago, I was out with my friend and when I drink vodka I tend to blackout, I don’t drink it anymore. So anyway I think I got kicked out of the club for being too intoxicated and I lost my friend and I remember seeing this guy and thinking I knew him and they asked me if I wanted to come to an after party with them. I thought he lived near me so I agreed. I can’t remember the taxi journey but I woke up on the couch and there were 3 black boys around me and I didn’t have my nickers on and I felt really sore. There was a guy sitting next to me who I remembered and he was touching me under the blanket and I was still pretty dazed so I let him. I accepted the fact I probably had sex with him last night.

Anyway after a while I wanted to get a taxi home and so I looked for my nickers, this other guy followed me and he gave them to me .. He then started getting weirdly close to me and tried to kiss me and I said I didn’t want to , and he then pushed me back on the bed and forcefully started kissing me, I found him repulsive and did all I could to not kiss him! And he was trying to get his penis in me knowing I didn’t have any underwear on. I said stop several times and said I’m already sore please don’t. And he still tried and said your doing this to me. I raised my voice and said what are you trying to do, he stopped, laughed it off and asked for my number and stupidly I gave it to him because I didn’t want it to be awkward. I got my stuff and left. He texted me and I told him I can’t remember anything last night and that I was embarrassed and he told me I had a foursome with him and his friends. I definitely did not consent to this and it made me feel disgusting. They passed me around like a sex toy, I thought it was my fault for being too drunk. I couldn’t walk properly or sit properly for days, and when I went for a wee I cried my eyes out because it burnt is so bad. I was torn. I hate them.

— Survivor, age 21

1 comment

  • Alexis

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