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Date Raped at 19

At 19 years old I was still a virgin. I wanted to remain one until marriage, as I believed my virginity to be very important and I wanted to save it for someone I truly loved and would spend the rest of my life with. I went to a party with a group of guys I had only met the previous weekend at a hookah bar with a friend. That same friend was supposed to come with, but decided against at the last minute. I met one of the guys at a Walmart near the house party, where he then drove me to. The previous week we had been texting a lot, and ended up talking about sex. I told him that I thought it was a really big deal and hoped to wait, and that I was a virgin. He said he thought that was cool, but that he had a girlfriend of 3 years before that he slept with. Anyway, I drank a lot at the party, and smoked weed. 6 months before I had gone through a bad breakup, and was sick of feeling the pain from that and just wanted to forget. It was very out of c haracter for me to drink and smoke. (I still always wonder if there was anything in any of my drinks, or if it was just the combo that made the memory loss and the blacking out occur.) I ended up getting tired and asked to sleep in another room. About 30 minutes later, I vaguely remember the guy who brought me to the party walking in and kissing me. For the next hour or so I drifted in and out of consciousness, to me being raped. I still feel gross and used, even after 2 and a half years.

I want to ask…should I report? The statute of limitations may be up in January of 2016. I never intended to. But I keep wondering, is it worth it? Would it be good to prevent it from happening to anyone else? Or would it be too painful? I just want to make it easier to go forward from all of this pain. I can’t even imagine being physical with my future husband at this point, and haven’t even been able to kiss a guy in the last two years.

— Heidi

1 comment

  • Alissa Ackerman

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