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Date Raped When I Was 15

When I was 15 I went to my first proper house party with my at the time best friend. I didn’t really want to drink but everyone else was and I wanted to fit in and everyone to think I was cool. We went to my best friends house a boy I’d never met with a few other friends and some of his friends. It was a good night I’d managed to not drink very much. Then around 10 the boy who’s house it was brother and his friends came home they sat out with us and most of the other people left. The only person I really knew was my friend I went with. The older boys were all over 20. They went indoors and made drinks and brought them out to us. I never questioned if I should drink it I never didn’t feel safe until this point. I drank it without a second thought and started to feel really strange it was my like being drunk I felt confused I couldn’t control my limbs. We decided to stay the night me and my friend went into a small spare room settled down and turned the lights out. I couldn’t sleep because my head was spinning so much. Not long after the older brother crept in and lifted me out of the bed. He sat me down at the top of the stairs and pulled me by the arm the rest of the way down. His friend was waiting in the living room and pulled me onto his lap. The brother left the room. He started trying to kiss me and I tried to push his face away. My arms felt so heavy and clumsy. He pushed me back on top of the sofa pinning me under his weight. He asked me if I’ve ever had sex before. I told him no I was only 15. I will never forget his smile or the look in his eyes it was so sinister. He started pulling my jeans and underwear down. I tried so hard to stop him but I couldn’t. I begged him to stop and not to do this to me. He didn’t care. He raped me. I tried to scream put but it was like all the air had left me. I couldn’t make a sound. I struggled as much as I could but he was so much bigger and stronger. When he was finished he pushed me hard of the sofa and onto the floor. I crawled into the corner and cried the rest of the night. I didn’t sleep the whole time. In the morning, he just left and said nothing when my friend came and found me she asked what happened and I told her. She said I was lying and we never talked about it again. Years later I have a much better support network and am amazing boyfriend. It’s only now almost 4 years later, I can accept that it wasn’t my fault but for so long people made me feel like if you were raped it was and that I was worthless. I will never forget what he did to me and so casually like it was nothing. I have moved on but it will live with me forever. Occasionally I will wake remembering it as if it was only yesterday my skin crawling feeling dirty. It gets easier just don’t ever forget it was not your fault and you are amazing.

— Survivor, age 18

2 comments

  • Alissa Ackerman
  • Maryrose

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