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Do I even belong here?

I am not sure if my story belongs here or not. but this was the first place I found to share it. I volunteer at a site that pairs it’s volunteers with people in need for anonymous private conversations. as a rule it is a great site. but I found out the hard way it can be exploited.

I was talking to a man, and he called me babe at one point in our conversation. I told him I was uncomfortable. he made some comment about leaving and self harming. I told him fine, he could call me babe, I didn’t want him to hurt himself. it gradually got worse. Next he asked if he could masturbate during the conversation. eventually he started demanding I say I loved him, beg to do sexual acts with him and describing what I wanted to do in great detail, even making me tell him about my mother and talk about helping him rape her. I told him I had a boyfriend but he said it was online so I wasn’t really cheating.

The worst thing is, it was my fault. I wasn’t touched, he gave me every chance to tell him no and he would stop, and I just kept doing it because I didn’t want him to get hurt. the next day I told my boyfriend. I expected my boyfriend to be upset with me, cause he is really jealous after being cheated on a few times. But he was furious, trying to get me to give him the info of the guy so he could teach him a lesson. I didn’t have the guys info, but I was glad my bf was so supportive. I managed to block the guy too.

The thing is, I chose to do everything, even if I was leveraged. And he never laid hands on me. I could’ve stopped him whenever. I’m left feeling filthy ,and I’m worried that because I blocked him, he moved on to another victim. But I also can’t stop worrying that he did hurt himself, maybe seriously. What kinda freak am I, and do I belong here?

— Survivor, age 18

2 comments

  • Alexis
  • sharon

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