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Erased From Memory

It was many years ago. I was 21. Was new in new country. In Poland they just start marshal law in1981 so I couldn’t go back home. I was looking for any work and place to stay. Some people told me about Polish Club Party. I went there and it showed up to be club of Polish Jews. During the party I met many people. One of them offered me some work to help in some restaurant arranging weddings. I supposed to start in few days. Other guy told me that he has a place to stay for me. I thought that Polish people abroad supposed to help each other. So I trusted him. Told him that I will pay for the room after I earn working in the restaurant. He told me not to worry. Next day in the evening he drove me to my new place away from the town. I had to use public transport to go to work in the city. After I met my new strange landlord I went to my new room. Took shower and exhausted went to bed. After some minutes the “friend” came in to my room and went directly to me and said that I must be very naive to believe that he will do all that for me for free. And I have to be quiet if I don’t want my face to be as pumpkin. He was very brutal, did his part and left leaving me shocked, crushed and crying. I didn’t know what to do, did not knew any English at that point. This made me believe that I am bad girl as I did not tell anything to anyone. I was so ashamed of what was happened. In order to function normally alone in strange country I had to be strong so I totally pushed away this whole story almost erasing from my memory till today when I saw you movie in polish TV.

Second time it happened after I came back to Poland. I was 38 years old and just got new job on the polish ferry boat sailing to Scandinavia. Was Font Office Manager. We were working 2 weeks on the boat and 2 weeks off. The first day when I was introduced to whole crew everybody was nice to me. In the evening I was invited to the disco where I’ve got a drink. Next think I remember was in some side room from disco i woke up next to some table. I was on the floor without my pants not knowing how I got there and what was happened. I was so ashamed of what happened that I never said anything about it. Again I erased it from my memory. All that came back now after your movie. I wonder if this is not the reason why I act as a victim whole my life. Thank you Linor for helping me understand and let it go!

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