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Everyone blames me

I’m an 18 year old female and I was raped last year. I’ve tried to put in the back of my mind and forget it ever happened but it’s so hard.
Last year two days after my birthday I was walking home from work when a guy approached me and asked me how I was. At the time he seemed okay, he didn’t look dodgy, he just looked like a friendly guy. We had a genuine conversation until he asked me if I would have sex for £100. Of course I said no and attempted to walk away. He grabbed me from behind and dragged me into the woods that was nearby my home. As I was resisting he pulled out a knife and place the point on my back. I couldn’t do anything. He raped me in the woods and when he was finished he told me, I deserved it and that I was a pathetic little girl that needed to be taught a lesson. What the lesson was I’ll never know.
When I tried to tell my parents about it, they blamed me and then of me I shouldn’t have spoken to him in the first place. My dad even said that I was probably given the guy signals for him to have sex with me.
I wanted to go to the police but my parents were disgusted by me and claimed that it was my fault.
After that, I didn’t tell anyone, after all, if my parents wouldn’t believe who would. The only other person I told was my best friend but I didn’t tell him until 2 months after it happened. He didn’t believe me either and told everyone at school that I let a guy have sec with me for £100. I was so embarrassed and lost all of my friends because of it.
I become lonely and had no one to talk you, all I was being told was that I deserved to be raped or that I’m a slut and a prostitute. When you hear it everyday you start to think it yourself. Maybe I was giving him signals, was I flirting with him?
I know that I wasn’t flirting, I know I wasn’t sending signals, but even if I was, I said no when he asked and when he raped me.
Writing this out has been helpful and therapeutic for me.
It’s nice to finally have this off my chest and not have someone tell me I’m a spit or prostitute.

— Survivor, age 18

1 comment

  • Alissa Ackerman

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