Hi. I’m really not sure how to go about this and I don’t know how comfortable I feel yet, but I saw your site and I wanted to reach out to share with other women. I was raped by a Fraternity man who I was actually very close friends with. I knew the majority of the men in the Frat and had spent every day with them for months. I considered them to be some of my closest friends. I had told this one particular man that I did not ever plan on hooking up with him. One night, after he bought all of my drinks, he raped me. I do not have any recollection due to alcohol, but I was sore and he told me we had sex…even though I did not give consent. I completely stopped talking to him or hanging out with him as to avoid this from ever happening again. I told my family and some close friends due to emotional distress…and they told me I should mention it to the men in the frat. After months of consideration, I finally felt comfortable enough to share what had happened with them. I was told by about 5 guys that there was already a list of women who had reported this man to the fraternity. This made me realize that I shouldn’t feel wrong about reporting it. The guys assured me that they were doing something about it and they didn’t take what I said lightly. This made me feel a lot better and I decided to let them handle it like they said they would. A couple weeks later the same fraternity men that reassured me they were taking action, started spreading rumors about me. These rumors did not even have any foundation of truth. They were COMPLETELY false and fabricated. They were saying I was in places doing things that I hadn’t EVER done at events that I didn’t even attend. After these rumors spread every single one of the boys stopped talking to me and they “blacklisted” me from the fraternity. The man that raped me even posted in their groupme that I am forbidden from coming to any of their events or hanging out with them at all. After all of that, I found out that they promoted him to their Exec board, when they told me they were going to be pushing him down. I have lost all of my friendships, both in this fraternity and my own sorority because people chose to believe the rumors they heard instead of my side of the story. I am worried that he will continue to do this to other women and I feel extremely guilty for not taking action, but I do not want to be THAT girl. I don’t want to go through the shame and all the work just to end up having to transfer schools because I can’t deal with the emotional stress. I am so conflicted and embarrassed. I have been trying to ignore it and not cause “drama,” but I know this is unacceptable and COMPLETELY against the values of the amazing Greek Life we have at our school and especially the law.
— Survivor, age 21