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Growth

I finished the film a few minutes ago and I am in awe. Although I have not been raped, I have been a victim of emotional, verbal & physical abuse. I have never really told anyone & the times I have mentioned my terror, I’ve made it seem as if they were isolated incidents.

During last month, I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant with my current boyfriend’s child, someone who has also abused me as well. In a matter of two weeks, my relationship with my family, specially my parents, suffered immensely. Unfortunately I suffered a painful miscarriage within 2 weeks. As I watched Brave Miss World, I was subconsciously attempting to figure out why I felt so connected to Linor’s story since I had not experienced being raped myself.

As the film came to an end, I realized why I could relate so much to her story. While being a victim of rape, as I saw, throws the victim into an emotional roller coaster, being abused by partners has also hurt me very deeply. I have had a hole within me that I have been trying to fill because everyday is a constant struggle to find the will to live. I’ve gone from blaming myself for my experiences to having hatred towards others to hating life period. What gave me hope to begin my journey to find peace within myself again was watching how Linor was strong & courageous enough to gain something positive from her whole ordeal. While I am not very religious, I do constantly pray and talk to God, who I felt, was often the only one to listen & understand my grief. I guess I’ve always have prevented myself being more religious was the criticism I’d receive from others because of things I may have done or said that would portray me as a hypocrite. But being able to watch someone with such physical beauty become so committed to her religion, when so many people would have continued being part of a society where looks are everything, finally allowed myself to make the conscious decision to worship my religion. I yearn to find a way to feel peace within myself, a peace that one cannot obtain no matter how beautiful, intelligent or wealthy one may be.

Miss Brave World may have been intended for rape survivors, but in reality, it’s for all women who have lost their voices & are in the journey of gaining their strength once again.

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