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I didn’t think she would do this. I look back at everything that happened and I hate myself because I didn’t see the signs. It happened 2 times but I don’t remember the first time. The second time I remember. I went to her house to go in her hot tub and when we got up to her room she said that she needed to go change. Later after she changed she came back. The next thing I remember she starts taking my swimming suit. I stood there. I was terrified. I didn’t fight back. I remember screaming in my head begging her to stop but nothing came out. She brought me down to the floor and rolled on top of me. She started groping me and touched me in places I never wanted to be touched. The memory is starting to fade and I wish I could remember but at the same time I don’t. I don’t want to remember her. I’m 16 and I have to see her everyday. A lot of my friends are still friends with her too and it hurts. It feels like I was stabbed. When I was younger I was sexually assaulted by two guys in my foster home. I don’t remember anything that happened. My brain shut it out. I told her about it and I didn’t think she would hurt me. Before she would kiss me on the cheek and grope me while giving me a “back rub”. I didn’t want to lose her friendship so I didn’t say anything so it escalated. I hate myself for letting her hurt me. She told me that all friend did that. They don’t. I was to scared to say no and now I’m scared forever.

Okay so I was at my best friends 16th birthday party (im 17). There were a couple of friends, one friend asked to bring another friend (which party we went to the week before) and he brought 3 of her friends (Lets call one of them Tim) with him. At this party I was pretty wasted, but not so wasted i didn’t remember anything. So i went outside to smoke with Tim, we went all the way to the back to smoke by the water. We kissed and he fingered me (i didnt really want it, but if i just went with it) later we went inside and he said i’ll bring you home. So I sat on the floor in the living room and ate an banana. After that i said goodbye to everyone and went outside with him (it and as like 3AM). He said i know some place (know i was really wasted and i could barely walk) and brought me to a playground. I was really wasted, i couldn’t walk straight, barely stand up. But i clearly remember everything, also that I said no. He pushed me to my knees and forced me to give him a blowjob, after that he took off my pants fingered me for like 2 seconds before he turned me around and fucked me. I said no and that i didn’t want it.
Since then my depression came back and tbh I feel worthless and just wanna die.

— Nellie, age 16

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  • Alexis

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