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March 17th, 2023

Indigo

I returned to fine art in 1990 when I took at class in indigo dyeing at San Francisco State University. I was lucky that the instructor, Yoshiko Wada, and another student from her class, were in the East Bay so that we could carpool together. We would talk textiles on our weekly journey across the Bay Bridge to the Campus. The other student was an accomplished Quilter named Linda MacDonald. Linda lived in Willits near the famous Mendocino Art Center, but traveled to Berkeley to attend this class once a week. The Indigo vat was made in a 32-gallon garbage can and had to be kept covered between dyeing sessions. Indigo is a unique rich blue dye that develops with an oxidization process when exposed to air. Dipping the fabric several times, and allowing the natural fiber to oxidize before dipping it again, creates darker shades of blue. The dye in the vat is created from a mixture of indigo pigment, various chemicals and a reducing agent to remove oxygen from the dye. It is a rich green color while in the vat, which shows up on the fabric before it is fully exposed to the air. The smell emitted from the dye is unusual, a musky odor in my mind. I like to think that it smells like the color blue. The vat needs to be carefully stirred and maintained between dyeing sessions. There is a “bloom” on the top of the vat created by oxidized indigo, making a bubbly and shiny ball of material reminiscent of a flower. The “bloom” gets moved to the side before entry of the pre-wetted fabric. The process reminds me of baking bread or making yogurt where the steps need to be carefully followed to achieve the desired results. In the process of bread and yogurt making, there are living cultures involved in order to create the product, and with the creation and dyeing process of indigo, it has that same feeling of being alive. In order to create interesting patterns, my classmates and I would use resist techniques on the fabric like pastes, stitching and clamping. Simple household items like clothespins could be used to create patterns by folding and then placing the pins at intervals along the fold lines. Beautiful and surprising results were achieved using these methods. Image of Indigo dye on fabric during the oxidization process. My dream of being a professional artist, all started in early childhood, and the first memories of my creations go back to Nursery School. I loved playing with all kinds of materials, like paint, clay, and crayons, just to name a few examples. Mel (Melanie), painting at Jack and Jill Nursery School, Walnut Creek, California, 1960. In 1974, a neighbor in Marin where I was living at the time and studying art at College of Marin told me about an Art School in Mexico. I ended up sending off slides of my work with an application to the Instituto Allende, and was delighted to hear that I was accepted. I began my journey to study there in San Miguel de Allende by flying to Mexico City in January of 1975. A bus ride completed that journey. When I first arrived, I moved in with a family who had two small children, including a newborn. It seemed like a safe living situation for a 19-year-old woman, but that shortly proved to not be true when the husband started coming on to me. I ended up finding my own place on the other side of town. It was a spacious abode with a wall that was shared with a weaving factory next door. There were 2 adjoined bedrooms, a bathroom, a large living/kitchen area and a small concrete patio out the back door. There was no hot water, refrigerator or a telephone. When I needed hot water for dishes, I would boil some on the stove. For showers, I had to build a fire in a box below a water tank outside to get hot water. I felt much more secure living there and walking a further distance to the Instituto on the other side of town than living with the husband who had made me feel so unsafe. There was the Central Plaza, which was called the “Jardin” that was in the middle of town, and I would pass through it on my walk quite frequently. This was the site of fireworks and festivals, like the celebration of Cinco de Mayo. The streets were cobblestone and many charming shops and galleries were located downtown. The School itself was on a beautiful campus with large ornate doors in front that were closed when school was not in session. Photo of the closed front doors of the Instituto Allende I had heard about you and what you had done to other women before you appeared in my main living space one sunny spring afternoon pointing a gun at me. You had a bandana wrapped around your face and tied behind your head. I had heard you first, in the bathroom. Dressed in a long polyester dress with colorful psychedelic patterns. I wasn’t wearing any underwear or shoes. I walked through the 2 bedrooms and turned left when I saw you standing there. I screamed and shouted, “help me,” thinking that workers at the Weaving Factory would hear me and come rescue me. Nobody came. You said to me “Coyote” which I later learned meant to be quiet or to shut up. You grabbed my shoulders and dragged me out the unlocked back door onto the concrete patio. The tops of my feet got scraped. I gave up. I knew you were going to rape me. I just wanted you to finish as quickly as possible. You took off your belt and put down your gun. Somehow I managed to pick up your gun and threw it over the wall embedded with glass on the top, into the alleyway. The same wall you had climbed over to get into my place through the unlocked back door. Towards the end of this ordeal, I heard a knock on my door. You left, climbing back over the wall. I answered the door. My friend Rhonda had come by to visit me. I told her what had happened and we walked to the Police Station nearby. I had your belt with me. The one you left behind. I went to the front counter, telling the officers behind the counter what had happened to me. They were laughing and playing cards at the time. I showed them your belt. They told me to bring you in if I saw you again. I left with Rhonda and took a bath at the where place she lived. We didn’t talk about what happened. We moved in together shortly after that. I sent a telegram to my father and stepmother about what had happened to me. Nobody came to help me. Rhonda helped me when I got hepatitis A and could no longer go to school. I was on my own when it came to figuring out how to return to the Bay Area. I moved in with my father and stepmother. They didn’t talk to me about what happened to me. They sent me to a doctor who diagnosed me with type 1 diabetes. He showed me how to give myself insulin injections. He told me to practice by injecting oranges with empty syringes. My mother told me years later that “You were never the same again” after what you did to me. I survived. I gave up art for 15 years before realizing that I wanted to go back to art school. In those years, I became so disturbed that I had panic attacks, deep depression and needed to move in with my mother at age 30. I started therapy after becoming self destructive in my 20’s. Depression also called “the blues” has been my long time companion. It has taken me a lifetime to heal. My iPhone predicts the words, depression, PTSD and C-PTSD for my text messages. After my Indigo dyeing class at San Francisco State, I enrolled in the Textiles Fine Art program at California College of Arts and Crafts (now known as California College of the Arts) in Oakland. I was married at the time and had become pregnant with our daughter Emily right before classes started in September. Emily was born on May 13, 1991. By the Fall of 1992, I was a single mom and an art student. An inheritance from my mother who died in 1995, allowed me to graduate and to buy my first home. I continued to work with indigo dyeing and created a large textile piece about my experience in Mexico. After many years of therapy and other healing modalities, I recently started painting on canvas. Part of that process has been a Soul Retrieval session to bring back my 4 year old self who loved to paint. I am feeling uplifted and encouraged after many years of recurring periods of severe emotional pain. Stay tuned for more details about my new work. One of my final pieces was a textile called “Out of the Blues.”
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I returned to fine art in 1990 when I took at class in indigo dyeing at San Francisco State University. I was lucky that the instructor, Yoshiko Wada, and another student from her class, were in the East Bay so that we could carpool together. We would talk textiles on...
April 1st, 2021

Sex doll

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After work one night I was drugged by a co-worker. I woke up in his bed naked. He was not in the room. I felt 2 emotions very heavily and immediately. Shame and wrong. I remember looking around for my clothes in a panic. I don’t remember how I got...
January 2nd, 2022

I am a Survivor

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I didn’t want to be a survivor once I realized what happened. Hell, I still don’t want to be a survivor. I was seven years old when I first got raped, when something first happened to me. I didn’t understand, I was so scared. It happened by my aunt’s husband....
June 26th, 2020

Was almost raped and no one did...

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When i was 11 me my mom and sister were in a bad situation. we didn’t have anywhere to live because we had lost our house. this was normal for us sadly because my mom is a single disabled mother of 5. while our other siblings had places they went...
December 5th, 2020

Summer 2019

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I got my first job working at a lovely Mediterranean restaurant/cafe one summer because my teacher said she knew the man who ran the place and put in a reference for me. I was 15. He was in his 60s. Two days after I started, the groping began. Only he...
June 10th, 2021

Date Rape

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I was visiting family in Texas and I decided to go on a dating app for a hookup. I felt guilty because I was young and I never told him my age, we went to his hotel because he was on a business trip. I remember taking one shot and...
May 8th, 2019

Spoke out and was blamed

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I am the only girl at a job of 4 men. I am also 20 while these men are 40+. One worker would grab me from behind when I would walk in the back to the bathroom. This would happen often. One day all my coworkers had to go outside...
June 26th, 2022

My survival story

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When I was 15 I knew I had to get out of home. My father had been abusing my mum and siblings for as long as I could remember, both physically and verbally, and it was getting worse by the day. So at 15 I decided to break up with...
October 15th, 2022

Male dancer

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Hello my Name is Tj. This happen about 4 years ago I was 19 years old at very young age I always tried to see the good in people. I was always happy and felt nothing could break me down went threw cancer as a baby lost my brother and...
August 17th, 2019

My/our German “Weinstein” Case

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My name is Jany Tempel. I live both in Germany and Thailand. I turned public now, to end the big silence of our country. Almost twenty years ago I had already written a novel about my arduous life. The book wasn’t published back then, mainly because I reported on crimes...
June 21st, 2021

Drugged raped and failed by justice

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On March 31st, 2017, I planned an early evening out wanting to catch up with my good friend Wendy, 35, a teacher for the Santa Clara County Juvenile Detention Center. We went to a place in Downtown Willow Glen. Wendy picked me up from my home about 8 pm. We...
October 7th, 2022

3 years later i still wonder if...

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Was this sexual assault? When i was a teenager, I had a guy best friend who was dating my best friend. He tried to be in a relationship with me before but i made i clear that i just wanted to be friends. One night all of us (me him...
June 2nd, 2023

He Was Saving Me From Me

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I thought I wasn’t worth it Suicide I kept escaping it Depression, the shadow i hid in Screaming:: When will this mental illness end Couldn’t find someone to truly call a friend Felt like i lost my wind I was self destructing, didn’t know what it was like to be...
October 15th, 2019

I will not stay silent

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I was raped at the age of 12 in November of 2018 by a guy who had invited me to stay at his house for the night when I had ran away from my house. The moment I entered his room, I knew I had made the wrong decision because...
April 20th, 2019

At 17yr old was raped by my...

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I became pregnant at age 16, forced to marry months later at 17, I went through domestic violence, physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse by him, my husband and my family did nothing to help me out of the nightmare! After 2 yrs I got out with the help of...
September 8th, 2019

Frozen in fear

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I thank you for your story. I have kept silent about all my traumas for most of my life. In the last 2 years I have started my healing journey and still have a hard time sharing with anyone but my therapist. I mostly have shamed myself because of how...
May 24th, 2019

The Statistics that Changed Me

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2 sexual assaults and 1 rape… the statistics of my story. I can’t promise that this story is pleasant, but I can tell you that power and growth comes with telling it. So sincerely, thank you for hearing me out. October 2017 I was in Chebut, Argentina(a part of the...
January 4th, 2020

David and Goliath

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Shalom. We’ve got 2 things in common, dear brave Linor. A fight and faith. Except my abuser is my father, an ex minister of my country, ambassador and politician. Meaning he’s had everybody in his hands. And therefore he easily had me committed to a hospital after I first time...
June 4th, 2019

Trauma

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My uncle raped me on the fourth of july, he raped me over and over and over. After he was done he told me i was like fireworks. i still cant sleep through the night.
June 3rd, 2019

I was used. I got left. I...

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15. That’s how old I was. 15. I thought my life was great. I had just got my permit and was loving my life. 15. I got used and then left. During this, I got strong. I have known this guy since I was in sixth grade. We used to...
June 24th, 2020

Too naïve

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I was 16. I had my first job, a lifeguard. I was so excited. I have been a swimmer since I was 5 so this was a very fitting job for me. I was the youngest person working there by far. Most of the kids were in college and one...
July 24th, 2019

LOST

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When I was 5 years old, I was sexually assaulted by many men. The next day I tried to kill myself. At the age of 10, I was raped and again tried to end it by ending my life. I also am a survivor of FASD and there for not...
June 28th, 2021

Boy scout of america

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No one ever told me what to expect once I finally said something that I remembered from over 50 yrs ago. talking about it could bring on some emotion that would possibly need a professional counselor or psychologist to help me with emotion .I didn’t think I needed help with...
August 30th, 2019

My story growing up with a secret

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I’m a black South African, I’m 40 years old now, and my son it 20 years old… loved, taught but I still can never live him alone with my nieces as I was left alone and violeted💔💔😭😭 I have spoken about this, but I hate putting this down in writting😭😭...
July 10th, 2019

So drunk I can’t remember

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I was turning 18. I was partying like any teen would. I drank a lot. I threw up, sat down. They picked me up and put me in their car. They said “don’t worry we’ll take care of you. You won’t miss the bus”. I remember lying on the bed...
August 17th, 2019

My/our German “Weinstein” Case

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My name is Jany Tempel. I live both in Germany and Thailand. I turned public now, to end the big silence of our country. Almost twenty years ago I had already written a novel about my arduous life. The book wasn’t published back then, mainly because I reported on crimes...
January 17th, 2022

You had no rights

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“Meet me after school, today. I wanted to tell you something,” a boy from my class said, “…in private,” he added, looking at my friend, whom I was talking to. My friend raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged. “Where?” I asked. “Uhh… At the back of the school.”...
April 21st, 2021

A respectable collegue

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The next day I walked down the stairs to the hotel, aware that he was sitting at the table having breakfast. Some things you think would never happen to you, you think that working externally with a colleague (married and with children) is not dangerous. But then in a moment...
October 10th, 2021

Is this normal?

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It all started in Febuary 17th 2020. My first boyfriend. At first he was sweet, he’d walk me to school, compliment me, ask me for consent every time he touhed me. But then the honeymoon phase wore off right after he took my virginity 3 months in. He started belittling...
August 30th, 2019

My story growing up with a secret

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I’m a black South African, I’m 40 years old now, and my son it 20 years old… loved, taught but I still can never live him alone with my nieces as I was left alone and violeted💔💔😭😭 I have spoken about this, but I hate putting this down in writting😭😭...
December 23rd, 2022

When school isn’t safe. (Australia)

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I was in year 9. I endured over 6 months of sexual harassment, intimidation and violence every day during school times. The teachers were aware of this, but their only concern was the length of my skirt. Whether I was “asking for it”. Being “overdramatic”. The boys who did it...
March 11th, 2021

was i raped?

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When I was about 4 years old my brother (8yo at the time) got in the tub with me and started asking me if I knew what sex was, I said no as a lot of 4 year olds would say, he asked me if i wanted to know what...
May 26th, 2020

My Last Party

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It was my first year of college. I was the type that hated parties since high school so I barely go out. But our midterms were finished and my friend insisted we should go. So I decided to call my boyfriend too. I remember the party was too loud and...
December 9th, 2023

i was a child.

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i was 6, i lived with my dad. I remember when he would get mad he would punch me, kick me, hit me over the head with any chance he got. When i was 6 he sexually assaulted me. I was sitting on the lounge and he started touching me....
January 27th, 2024

Blamed myself …

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I got raped multiple times. I got sexually assaulted multiple times. I blamed myself. I saved a lot of women from being raped even men and when I was being sa and raped. no one saved me till today. I go outside and see the people who did it to...
May 20th, 2019

The Diaper in the Corner

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Most of us know the saying by Darshan Mondkar, “‘Was it really my fault?’ asked the short skirt. ‘No. It happened with me too.’ replied the burkha. The diaper in the corner couldn’t speak.” Out of these, I relate the most to the diaper as I had just stopped wearing...
June 8th, 2023

Unethical or illegal?

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Last year my partner and I worked for the same business. It was a small business near a small town and it had no management or HR of any sort – only one man owned and ran it, even though it served thousands of people each year. I hit it...
October 12th, 2023

Workplace Sexual Harassment

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As I write this story to you, please note that this sexual harassment case is still in progress. It began in December of 2022 when I worked as a contractor for a company named TEKsystems. I do IT work for Nutrien Ag Solutions. The first week I was there, I...
October 2nd, 2019

A Letter to Survivors

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November 15th, 2020

J’avais 13 ans

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J’avais 13 ans j’étais allé avec mon amie chez un gars pour la soirée ils étaient trois gars et c’etait la première fois que je buvais de l’alcool et ce gars qui s’appelle pascal m’a agressé. Je ne l’ai dis a personne et j’ai fait comme si rien ne s’était...
May 23rd, 2021

Rape in my locked home

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I have been raped numerous times in homes that are locked. I am divorced and live alone. Obviously drugged as no memories. The first time in my locked home after my divorce when I broke up with someone who admitted after dating him for months that he used to do...
April 23rd, 2021

10 years later I realised

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I went out with my best friend around 10-12 years ago. We got drunk, had fun, flirted, met some guys and agreed to go back to their flat for drinks. I remember us feeling a bit uncomfortable but going with it. We were about 19. We hadn’t kissed either guy,...
March 23rd, 2021

Thought He Was A Friend

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I was raped when I was in my early 20’s by someone I thought was a friend. The night began when a group of us went out to the bars and came back to my friends house afterwards to crash. I had gotten very, very drunk and I passed out...
March 5th, 2021

7 years and it still controls me

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I seen him today. The exe who thought he had the right to just take what he wanted. It’s like you need you moved on. That your okay. Then ask if takes is to see him and can’t breathe. I froze. I just turned around and wanted to run. I...
May 4th, 2019

To my best friend who raped me

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To my best friend who raped me, I am so torn between feeling love for you and feeling hate for what you have done; what you have taken away from me is irreplaceable. On the first of May, I lost hope for all living things to live and breathe and...
May 31st, 2019

I Recorded my Rapist

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I was gang raped almost 30 years ago by my ex boyfriend and at least 3 of his friends, 2 of which I never spoke to. I never spoke of what they did to me until the Supreme Court event, which more than triggered something inside me. I had been...
March 8th, 2016

Abuse Continued

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My story differs from a lot of stories here in that, there was no actual penetration (unless it happened to me during my sleep, which I sometimes wonder). I was molested by my mother’s ex-husband. I must have been around 7, 8 or 9. This “man” lived in the house,...
December 13th, 2021

He was my best friend

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He was my best friend of 8 years. I was really leaning on him for support as I had just experienced my first sexual assault like 6 months beforehand. I was really struggling mentally so he offered to take me out for a night and we went into the city...
October 5th, 2023

my toxic relationship

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on september 9th 2023. last month i was raped by a man i was in a relationship with at the time. i met him from facebook dating. at some point we exchanged numbers. we hung out together numerous times. during the relationship with him. he would buy me cigarettes and...
December 26th, 2019

Ms.

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I was raped by a co-worker when I was in my mid-20’s. We were at a work function, we were all drinking, then about 10 of us went to his place to continue the party. He grabbed me on my way out of the washroom and dragged me into his...
June 1st, 2019

The Life I Live

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When I was 7 my cousin started touch me. He was older and he said it was okay we were practicing. I wasn’t sure what he meant. This went on for 3 years. He would touch my body and claimed it was his. He said it was a way to...
June 21st, 2021

Drugged raped and failed by justice

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On March 31st, 2017, I planned an early evening out wanting to catch up with my good friend Wendy, 35, a teacher for the Santa Clara County Juvenile Detention Center. We went to a place in Downtown Willow Glen. Wendy picked me up from my home about 8 pm. We...
January 11th, 2016

My Family My Love

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I had always been close with my family. My family is everything to me. We were kids he was only a year older than me…he was my cousin. He was my first kiss, the first boy to tell me I was pretty and I fell in love with him. It...
January 11th, 2016

My Family My Love

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I had always been close with my family. My family is everything to me. We were kids he was only a year older than me…he was my cousin. He was my first kiss, the first boy to tell me I was pretty and I fell in love with him. It...
April 28th, 2021

Around 9 PM

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It was around 9 PM I was walking home from baseball practice on the side walk (Next to the woods), the way how I normally walked home, when a medium sized rock hit me in the head. I fell to the ground. And then I felt someone dragging me into...
August 18th, 2019

Abusée par un voisin de mes grands...

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Bonjour chère Linor, Je suis en train de regarder Brave Miss World. Merci! Je témoigne car j’en ai peu parlé dans ma vie. J’avais 4 ou 5 ans. Je vivais avec mes grands-parents et ils me posaient parfois le samedi chez la voisine qui me gardait pour aller à un...
May 8th, 2019

UNEXPOSED – AFTER 30 YEARS OF EXTREME...

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Molestation 4-13, dissociation syndrome started, afraid 24/7, PTSD 10, black outs began & were triggered by the smell of certain foods or a male authorities voice. Attempted Rape 15, Physical Abuse 16-31, all my ex-boyfriends. Rape 18, also attempted suicide & started dancing because I needed extra money & no...
September 18th, 2019

Raped in the Air Force

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My first duty stationed 28 years ago, i was sexually assaulted by my first supervisor and violently raped by an officer in my unit. The violence of that raped, ruined me for a long time. Suffer from severe PTSD and after 31 years i am being forced out of the...
September 12th, 2019

A learning experience

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This is my story: I don’t really consider myself a “victim” as I was just as much into him as he was into me. I just grieve the loss of innocence, the lack of parental supervision, the ignorance of not acknowledging he was a pedophile. I’m not sure why I...
November 3rd, 2019

No

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I was sexually assaulted at 10 years old. I need help.
May 2nd, 2023

He was 15

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My stepbrother wanted to play “house” with me and my other step siblings. He decided I was the mom and he was the dad. He shooed my step siblings out of the room, locked the door, turned off the lights, laid down next to me and touched me. After 10...
February 2nd, 2022

It wasn’t your fault

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It Wasn’t Your Fault The mere fact of being born a woman is enough to place you in a sort of danger for your entire life. Society still makes sure to place you there, and more importantly, to make you believe it is only your fault. And while I did...
April 27th, 2019

Everyone Else Likes You, Too

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I had never been to a bar before. Sure, I’d gone out to Applebees with other coworkers where they’d serve me drinks. But I was 19, and had to drive home. I had never been drunk before, and didn’t push my limits. I went to the bar to see him...