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I Thought He Loved Me

I was sixteen and in a relationship with my ex boyfriend. We were only dating for a couple months at the time but I loved him already. We had many mutual friends and we lived in the same city. He treated me like a princess. He would buy me nice things, shower me with compliments etc. something any girl my age would want to hear. After months of feeling butterflies in my stomach and happiness in my heart, that fateful day arrived. I was over his house for the day and we were in his room watching movies. We both had been smoking pot a littler earlier on but I didn’t feel right. I started feeling sick and dizzy and I wanted to lay down. We ate dinner with his parents while I’m feeling nothing but sick the entire time. Afterwards, we went back into his room and I tried to take a nap. I then felt his hands pulling off my pants. I thought he was playing around so I told him to knock it off. He kept telling me that “I’d feel better if I did it.” “I love him so it’s not wrong.” etc. He kept taking off my clothes as I started getting more and more sick. So sick to the point where I didn’t really know what was going on anymore. I remember him pulling me on top of him as I began to cry and begged him to stop cause I was dizzy. He continued anyway as I laid in horror.

Honestly, I never thought I would ever be a victim. Especially a victim to my own boyfriend. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, violated etc. I never told anyone. I never pressed charges. I was so terrified because I loved him and I thought everyone would think it was “normal.”

Until recently, I’ve spoken to and told my current boyfriend. We’ve been together for a year now and I couldn’t be happier. He supports me through my struggles and is always by my side. After watching the Brave Miss World movie, it truly is touching to open up to other survivors and share my story. I want others to know what I’ve been through and to know it’s okay and you’re not alone. I’m aiming to make a difference in the lives of rape survivors.

Please don’t stay silent! Speak up! I will hear your voice.

— Tori, age 18

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