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I Was 9

The rape… I was 9 years old and was raped by my stepfather. This didn’t happen over night. It started with inappropriate touching until he eventually raped me. I didn’t really understand what was happening. I was disgusted by what he did. I told him yuck you peed on me. I had no idea. I just knew I was told not to tell. So I didn’t, I drew a picture at school in a book called all about myself. I was in 3rd grade. Shortly after that my teacher (male) asked me about it. Cops and detectives came to the home later that night. I had tried to tell my mom earlier but she disregard the whole thing until they came knocking at the door. My mom didn’t want to believe anything therefore, he didn’t have to leave the home, I did. I went to my dads house where I remained for several months. My mom, maternal grandparents and my dog all would come to visit me on weekends. I saw some sort of counselor for a while. I know he went to jail for a while. I knew nothing about him for years.

Background… My mom had a boyfriend in Cuba when she was young but for political reasons my grandparents came to the U.S. with her. In the U.S. my mom married my dad divorced. She married my 1st stepdad who was great! They divorced. Then she married this man. He went ti jail and my mom married again. She had a baby boy. I adored my baby brother.

Life… As a young adult I moved out and had a son. One day I went to visit my mom and was sitting on the porch and the mailman came with mail. I was looking through the letters and there was a weird one. It was addressed to my grandmother but it looked like a chain letter. I opened it and it was from him! He was writing with my mom. I cant remember what it all said. But I felt crushed and betrayed! I didn’t talk to my mom for a while. I still came around because of my grandparents and my baby brother whom all lived with my mom.

As an adult at 29. I was married for a 3rd time, had a son and was pregnant with my daughter. My mom was now divorced again and had a boyfriend for a while but that didn’t last very long. Both my grandparents had passed and my little brother almost an adult. My mom and I were getting along better than ever! I never knew what it was to have this great of a relationship with her as she always picked me before me.

My current situation… One day my mom and I go to the beach with my son. I was pregnant and this is all I wanted to do! While at the beach she got a call on her cell and she got up and walked away from me to speak. I thought that was weird but I carries on. I drove her back to her home to drop her off. She all of the sudden said she needed to tell me something. My 1st response was, ok which of your x men are you getting back with. (joking)
She froze and I realized oh wow! I thought it would be my brothers dad. Sadly I was wrong. I calmly said to her, go ahead be with him. Then I said I only have 3 things to say #1 I understand you have never been truly happy. I have! Be happy be with him if he makes you happy. I know you loved him since you were young. Who doesn’t want their mom to be happy. #2 As a woman I understand wanting to be with someone whom you truly love. I want you to have love. #3 As a mother, I just dont understand it. I am in love with the 1 little heartbeats I created from the moment I knew about them and I cant imagine doing anything but protecting them from everything and anyone. My son and I then got in the car to go home and I cried uncontrollably until I got home. He kept asking me what was wrong? What did he do? Did he behave bad? I eventually told him. Once I could breathe again I sat down with my husband and my son and explained he had done his time. He did 18 years. Not because of me though beca use he got out and violated parole. I wanted my mom to be happy. I was accepting this and it qas my decision. Please understand me or try to.

I am now 40 yrs old. My son is 23 and my daughter is 11. I have been married for almost 20 yrs. This man is still a part of our lives. We have moved 185 miles away from all of our family and just the 4 of us together feel safe. My kids are no allowed to be in the same room with this man unless I am present.

My mother is not happy but she got what he wanted. She is with the love of her life.


  • Alissa Ackerman


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