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I Was a Virgin

I can’t believe when I remember my story or I speak about it I still cry. I always believe that I am healed, but I guess you cannot heal completely from something like this.

I was a virgin and I was never been kissed with an open mouth feeling a more intimate kiss neither. I was 17, it was just few months since I graduated from High School. My school was a private and religious, only for girls. The nuns taught us to keep out virginity for our husband to be. I had a boyfriend who was 21, and after 4 months dating I broke up with him because he tried to undress me. I was angry at him. I did not have any sexual feelings yet. I did not know how to behave with him, so I got upset and broke up with him.

After 5 or 6 months from this break up, I met a couple of friends on the beach and I like one of them in particular. The problem was that both of him and his friend liked me. We went out 3 or 4 times. But one night his friend called me and told me that the guy I was dating was busy at the University. He asked him to pick me up to go to a party that night in a beach city and that we will see each other at the party. I went with him in his car and took the beach circuit road to get faster into the party. I noticed that he smelled like alcohol. In the way to that route, he pulled the car so fast to the side of the road in front of the ocean and before I could react he was on top of me. I couldn’t breath because he was heavy and he was covering my mouth. For a moment, he relieved my mouth and I begged beg him not to do it because I was virgin. He didn’t care and continue to force himself on me. It was so painful because he keep forcing my legs open when I was trying to close them. But I couldn’t stop him because he was stronger than me. I hated somebody for the first time in my life.

When he finally finished, I was able to escape from his car and run until I found 3 girls who helped me. I told them what happened, while I was crying, and they took me to look for him to indicate him to the police but he already left. They wanted to take me to the hospital, but I was so embarrassed that I asked them not to go because I was afraid of my grandmother.

When I went to the bathroom I noticed blood in my panties. I thought he damaged my interior. I did not know back them that he just broke my limen. I felt so much pain for almost a month. I was also afraid of getting pregnant because it happened on those days that I could get pregnant. That was what I read on the library.

I never told this story to anybody until 2 years later I told my sister. He showed up at my door one day and wanted to talk to me and I went out with him because I didn’t want my grandmother to know who he was. I hit him so hard and I started to cry when he told me that he wanted to marry me to repair the damage he caused. He said that he couldn’t believe that I was virgin and that he was drunk that night. That he hated the idea that I like his friend and not him. I told him that if he showed up again at my house I am going my story to the police and have him arrested.

Back them I was so timid and innocent. I couldn’t have a boyfriend until a year later and he was so nice with me. I was in love but the reality was, that after 8 months of trying to get me have sex I explained to him what happened to me and he understood. But after trying to have sex for my first time with him I couldn’t. I felt nothing and reacted bad to him. After the years I finally have my first enjoyment of sex when I was 25. I still have problems about it and I think that what happened to me have a big stigma on the way I enjoy sex.

I been married and divorce after 9 years and I have a son who just turn 27 today. I am at peace, but I believe my subconscious is still hurting. I was innocent and pure and this guy stole not only my virginity but also my innocence and purity. I hate him so much.

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