I was a student nurse in 1975, I was 23, when I met this guy in the local choir that I was singing in. It was love at first sight and we had a fantastic time at first. After about a year or so later he became very possessive and controlling, asking me to drive him home which was about an hour’s drive from my house, or pick him up form the train station or his home which I did as I was the one with a car.
I didn’t mind at first but as he became more controlling and demanding, forcing me to perform sexual acts that I didn’t like doing. I never consented to having full blown sex but he kept trying but I would never give in.
In the end I stopped liking him and got so fed up and angry I finished with him. He was very upset and pleaded with me not to break up with him but I was adamant.
Months later, I was on night shift, it was a Sunday morning. I was fast asleep when I was woken up by loud banging on the door down stairs. I went downstairs to see who it was, I didn’t have a peep hole to look through so I opened the door. It was him! He was angry and started shouting at me, forcing me up the stairs. I argued with him to leave me alone and to go home but he got even more angry and forced me onto the bed and he then raped me. I felt so utterly powerless and begged him to stop be he kept going. I was bruised and I was hurting internally and the worst thing is that I had to work another night shift with a male colleague and I couldn’t say anything to him. I just said I was feeling sick and tried as best as I could to get through the shift.
I didn’t speak about it for years, the only person I could talk to was my mother, she was very supportive but even she told me that I should leave it and try to get on with my life.
I ran into him years later, at a funeral, it was his aunts funeral, I think he looked guilty but he never apologised. He was married and had two kids.
A couple of years ago I found him on LinkedIn, thought about writing to him, telling him what he’d done to me but I didn’t. I think he knew I found him but he never contacted me. In the end he removed himself from LinkedIn.
I have forgiven him because it’s no use not to, hating him would only harm me and by doing that I managed to move on with my life.
I’ve been married, widowed and found love again, I’m in a happy place.
I found Linor’s story very compelling and inspirational and I’m thinking of maybe setting up a support group so that more women will stand up and tell their stories. I think this a problem that may never go away but if future mothers and fathers can teach their son’s to respect women, who knows, in a few generations it will never happen again. Lets hope it will stop.
— Karin, age 63