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I wish I never knew

I don’t remember it or how old I was but in fact I try and block it from my memorise, desperately trying to forget that it ever occured. All I remember was my mum telling me a couple years later a small detail from an incident that happened to me when I was around 3 years old.
I was on holiday with my family when my mum decided to pull me over to have a talk, she made sure no else could listen in, especially my brother. She told my that my dad had touched me were he should have not touched me while I was in the bath and that my brother had to watch. At the time I slightly understood but not properly, it helped my understand why my parents always fought, or why once when I was in an argument with my mum she said at least she did not pass me around.

I am 14 now and it starting to make sense why when I was little my mind was already plagued with perverted thoughts, how I was sent to special therapy lessons or how the doctors had to exam me and I had to talk to the police. It made sense how as I grew older I convinced other girls to show me their privates, how I was drawn to the abuse other of people, or that I involved myself in sexual activities by the age of 10 or 11

We do not speak of the incident and I am sure my brother does not know what happend. My mum told me that when I was older she would tell me the whole story, but I do not want to know. I have a good relationship with my Dad, as I understand why he did it, with him being molested as a child and his whole family refusing to accept, it will mess someone up.

I wish I never knew what had happened to me.

2 comments

  • sharon
  • Alexis

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