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I’m the Slut. I Must’ve Wanted It.

I’m only 16. I don’t have the perfect life. Never have. But I have an amazing supportive family and they have given me more than enough to flourish into who I am today.. Or who I was. It only happened about a month or so ago. We were friends for a while. Never really hung out much. But we hung out a couple days almost a straight week. I don’t even know how to word this. We were in my room just watching a movie with the door open. I never thought anything bad of it. He would try to touch me and I said no he would stop. He’d ever so often push my hand down his pants but I’d pull it away. We were laying down and he kept grabbing my shorts. I kept saying no. He stopped for a while and I thought nothing of it. I was laying on my side with my back facing him. He tried entering me and I pushed away trying to get up. He pulled my shorts and panties down. I started having a panic attack. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. I said no. Again. Because my parents always told me no means no. Not yes. I didn’t think this was going to happen. I thought it only happened to strangers. I closed my eyes hoping I was dreaming. He grabbed my hips and pulled me on top. He was so strong and built but I still thought I could wiggle and run because I thought being on top meant I had the power to run. He had a power grip on me. He thrusted up and I cried that “it’s too big it hurts” but he didn’t care. I tried screaming but nothing came out. He didn’t even speak. It went on for a few minutes until he finished. He pushed me off and told me to clean myself as he left the room. He came back in and I looked up at him saying how bad it hurts and all he could say was “you’re fine you’ll get over it.” He goes around bragging about it. He’s praised for getting some action. How do I tell people about it? What if they confront me? I’m the slut in their eyes. I’m so scared to even tell my boyfriend for fear he won’t believe me or for fear that he’ll think it’s my fault. Is it my fault because I was on top? I said no I fought as hard as I could to stop and get away. I know what he did was wrong but I still can’t help but think it’s my fault….. I saw him today and I tried so hard to avoid him I broke down in the middle of the mall with an anxiety/panic attack. I don’t know what to do. But I’m scared.

— Victoria

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