As a 6 year old child, I was molested by an older cousin. I did not say a word about this for a few years. I accidentally spilled the beans one night to my mom. I was placed in counseling to deal with the trauma, and the person there to assist me in this taught my parents how to beat me without leaving any marks on me because I was so unruly. The counselor said, at the time, that being a victim means that now I would become an abuser as an adult.
Fast forward several years. I started dating and become sexually active. I met someone and got pregnant. We married, but sadly this ended due to him being unfaithful. During our marriage I had spoken of the abuse of my childhood. He then started mentally abusing me by making false allegations of me being an abuser. I finally get the courage to leave him.
I agreed to seek marriage counseling with him. One night after our counseling session, we went out we were trying at the time to rebuild our marriage. I still had not filed for divorce, but we were living separately. I had said to him several times that I did not want to have sex with him. I had said this in front of friend, family, and our counselor. On this night, I had been drinking and came to with his penis in my face. He was asking me to preform oral sex on him. When I came to again he had entered my body. I came to again and he was leaving my place.
The next morning when I called him and asked him about the night before. I asked him point blank if he had sex with me after I had said no. His response was “yes!” e wanted to be the first person to have sex with me since I got a tattoo. I told him that he raped me. I called our counselor and cancelled all future appointment and explained why. The counselor seemed to think I should still try and save my marriage. I then called an attorney and filed for divorce.
I told my divorce attorney about the rape and during the hearing I was questioned about this event and was told it was my free counseling session so I could heal.
I tried talking with my parents, but that was not an option because my mom disliked the fact that I was getting divorced. She supported my then husband and said, “You were married. It is not rape.”
I am a survivor, but I am unsure of how I did except by the grace of God. My children are grown and I am still single with no one to share this but with all of you.
Until I watched Brave Miss World on Netflix this evening, I had not though about this abuse for years. Thank you for speaking up and speaking out on this subject.