I was 18. He was 21. He had been back from a deployment over in the middle east for 2 and a half. We started dating after spending time on the phone and in person. We were great, no problems at all. Except I refused to have sex. I am one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I believed I only show have sex with my husband. It wasn’t an issue after we got engaged. We hadn’t been together long. It all started a week after. For 3 and a half weeks he repeatedly beat, and rape me. Every time I screamed top of my lungs till he strangled me or I passed out. I popped my birth control to make sure I wouldn’t get pregnant. I do not believe in abortion. I only wanted to make a child out of love. Not evil and violence. The last time he tried to pull my pants down and I saw a pocket knife. I grabbed it to do anything. Instead I felt a sharp pain. It was in my stomach. He sliced my throat open. Stabbed me multiple times. Ran the knife around my chest, stomach and upper thighs until blood started to flow. I could not move. When I tried to run I was hit in the head with a chair. I woke up naked in his bed. He wasn’t there. I ran to the barracks bathroom and locked the door. Turned the water on as hot as it could go. Some blood was still coming out of me but I didn’t keep where from. Some was dried. Then I realized I was covered in seamen. I lied in that bathtub for so long. I lost track of time. I was ashamed of myself. I covered all my bruises and cuts with make up and scarfs. We broke up 4 days later when he revealed that we had also been cheating on me. When I threatened to leave, he threatened my family. I knew he would. It wasn’t a false threat. This man won a purple heart for shooting a man in half.
I told the army what happened. They said it would cost to much to charge him. I was able to get him dishonorably discharged for selling illegal and prescription drugs. As well as doing illegal drugs and prescription drugs that were not his. His army buddies heard my screams. They saw the bruises and blood in his bed, floor and the bathroom. They agreed to testify against him but I had no case. I didn’t get my justice.
I drank for 3 weeks straight. I hid it from everyone. No one had no idea. I kept my secret for almost 3 years. My sister found out and sent me to a therapist. I got on mess but when I asked for them to be uped since they stopped working, he wouldn’t change it. I would continue to get medicine that was barely helping. I would go to him and he wouldn’t pay attention to what I was trying to tell him. I stopped going. I didn’t remember much of what happened for years. Bits and pieces. Oct 30, 2013 I was head butted by a Client at work. I now remember everything. I feel like I’m going through it again.
Because of this documentary I am becoming more open. I want people to know that he didn’t win. I did. He didn’t break me. I’m stronger.
I am loved by family and friends. And one day I hope to heal more. I am a young woman with depression, anxiety and ptsd. But I don’t want that to define me. I hope the world will one day see that this is not ok.