This happened in late September to late October. I just got out of a relationship with my first love and to get over him I started dating someone else. I thought i liked him. He was seventeen and i was sixteen. He seemed nice a first, but soon became aggressive. He told me it isn’t rape because i am his girlfriend. He talked about drugging me and having sex with my unconscious body. He sent me pictures of rope and talked about tying me up-which i did tell him to please stop bringing it up. This all got out of hand on our second date. He tried raping me more than once, I did everything to get him off of me. I felt trapped and because of this my anxiety started kicking in. I was close to having a panic attack. I thought he was going to end up raping me but somehow I talked my way out of it. The second time was at my house, again he was on top of me. I kept saying no. I had to push my way from under him. I was not the first girl he did sexual assaulted. He told me that he almost forced himself into his ex, even after she said no. He didn’t because her parents came home. But there were more times where i was sexually assaulted by him. I do not like being fingered and he would try to and I told him to please stop. I spoke to him in person about how i do not like it. Yet he still tried to. We broke up but with him i wanted to end my life. I haven’t been the same then, I hate his name and i hate seeing him or someone who looks like him. I want to talk to someone who has experienced sexual assault but idk anyone who has. I got my first love back a few months ago and idk if i can even have sex with him, i am still traumatized. I feel ashamed of what i’ve done and i feel like it is my fault.
— Survivor, age 17