I am an Irish woman. A single mother to 3 amazing boys. I was 17 when I was raped. I had just started my modeling career in an agency here in Ireland. An aunt of mine was also in the agency at the time. I won a big competition here and was face of 1990. My agency hired a photographer to take pics for my portfolio. I remember that the man they used was also a model in the same agency. I was so young and naive. I went on the day he was booked to do photo-shoot to meet him. My father dropped me. I took along a friend of mine. When we arrived he insisted on dropping my friend home “saying” there would not be enough room in car for all of us and his equipment. We dropped her home. I was extremely nervous. Our first location I had to change my clothes in his car. I knew he was watching me. I could feel it. We then drove further into the mountains and did more photos..as we were driving he made me feel his penis. I remember feeling so trapped and just wanting to get home. Only I did not know where we where and in those days their was no mobile phones so I continued.
The day lasted maybe 6 hours of photos. Then when he said he needed to stop at his home to put films in dark room. I knew something was up. He insisted on me coming in. I really did not want to. He got angrier and angrier at me, so eventually I went in. Thinking that if I did, I would get home much quicker. He went out into his back garden and was gone a few mins. The next thing I remember is him coming back into the living room where I was giving me a drink like whiskey to drink. I stupidly drank it. All I remember after that is him raping me so much that I could not walk. When I thought he was done. I said I needed to go to the toilet. I got into the shower to wash myself. He joined me and raped me repeatedly again. I was gone from my home for about 12 hrs. When I got home I tried to wash myself and woke my brother. It was about 3 am in the morning and he was doing bog exams. So my family all woke and went crazy at me coming home so late. I was so ashamed and felt so dirty I was terrified to tell them. I felt obligated to my aunt who was in the agency and also to the agency and felt my family would not believe me. I went onto have a son who is now 25 and is this man’s son.
I have never told anyone this story in so much detail. Yes he knows I was raped. He knows the mans name, but I still feel I am not believed by my family. It took me till my son was 5 to tell my family and I know they do not believe. I went on to have a very abusive relationship and 2 more amazing boys, but now I am suffering from many auto immune illnesses. I am free of my ex, but every day is a challenge. I just wish my family knew how much I have tormented myself for all these years and how I feel responsible for my son not having a father.
The week after the rape, the same man called my agency asking to photograph me again. I did not show. I missed photo-shoots because of him. I lived in fear all my life until I found this film. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have done and all you will continue to do. To empower us women who truly are the nameless victims of Rape. I only wish my story helps even one other person. Thank you for giving me this chance to share my story. I apologize if my story seems all over the place or my spelling mistakes..I just found out last week I now have Lupus in my brain. God be with you all <3 - Daire