I just started university and I am living away from home. I live in student accommodation and I am a nursing student. My apartment and the apartment next door is all nurses and we spend a lot of time with each other. I have never really been much of a drinker and I became an outsider in the group because of this. On Halloween my flatmates threw a party. I was almost not going to go but forced myself so I could be involved with the other girls. They had invited a group of Navy guys to the party and I began drinking with them. One minute I felt fine, the next I was drunk. It was something I had never experienced before. We all got called outside for a fire alarm. I sat down at the wall. Next thing I knew I was kissing someone. Next thing I knew we were in my bedroom. Next thing I knew he was undressing me. I felt so helpless, I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. I wanted him to stop but he wouldn’t. I just lay there.
The next morning was awful. He had stayed there in my bed and made an excuse to leave when he saw I was awake. I don’t understand why he stayed. He kissed my forehead and grabbed my bum and left.
It took me a while to realize the enormity of what he did. I have always felt a bit awkward with physical touch an the day after I kept flinching. I thought it was just because I had a new experience with someone. It wasn’t. I was reliving the moments in my head, remembering the way he touched me and it scared me.
My friends had all seen me kissing him and they knew he came back to my bedroom. In the following days they teased me about my behavior. They had never seen me do anything like that (I never had) and teased me a lot. Not only could I not tell anyone about what happened, I had to pretend like I was okay, laugh at the jokes they made. When all the time I felt empty and alone.
I still haven’t been able to tell anyone about it and I doubt I ever will. I’m just trying to move on, one day at a time. Linor’s story has given me the strength to carry on and my hope is to be as brave as you. Thank you.