I was about 10 at the time. He’s 5 years older than me. Our families know each other very well, although this story stayed between me and my brother. We used to hang out all the time, play video games, soccer and I used to think he was the coolest guy ever. One day we were at our basement. I was laying down at a couch. He ended up on top of me somehow and pulled down my shorts. He pulled out his penis and started rubbing it against my butt. I didn’t say anything. I don’t remember whether or not I knew what was going on. I think I didn’t want to believe it at the beginning and once I realized what was going on I thought it was too late. I just froze. He didn’t put his parts in me. I didn’t say a word to him during or after it. He left. I was walking around my house a day later, he was sitting down on the street with a group of his friends and one of them made a comment about my ass. Which convinced me he’s told the whole neighborhood. I was very embarrassed and I didn’t deal with it at all. I just blocked the whole experience out of my memory and I started getting addicted to video games. It felt (still kinda feels) like it was my fault because I didn’t say anything. I think it’s because I trusted him and I thought he was cool. I definitely didn’t know pedophilia existed at that time. My brother pulled down my pants one night and jacked off to my butt. I stopped talking to my parents and I didn’t build any relationships. I’ve been acting nice to people but only because I felt like I had to. Still, my brother is the only person in this world I feel like I have a real relationship with and he didn’t do it again. I spent the next 8 years going to school, putting up a front and acting like I like people, going home and playing video games. I’m 20 now and I want to get over this. I got into the habit of destroying any social connections I make with anyone because I don’t want to trust anybody again. How do I get over this?