I grew up with my grandparents until I was 13 and moved to another city to be cared for by my mother and her partner – the father to my younger sister and brothers.
One day while taking a nap, I felt someone lying with me with their hand in pants. I thought I was dreaming and it took me a minute to realize what was happening to me. My step father was molesting me. He stopped when he heard me crying and left the room without saying anything. I laid there trembling and sick in my stomach and didn’t leave my room until the next day.
He repeated this over several different occasions including one time when my little sister was on another bed in my room. I cried so hard that he slapped me and pushed me away. I was terrified he would move on to her so my crying was uncontrollable. After that he laid off for a bit.
I finally told a close friend of mine and she made me talk to our school councilor, I was 15 by this time. I had no idea that the councilor was going to speak to my mother and the police. By law she had to break confidentiality due to me being at risk at home.
I remember walking into the house after school and seeing my mother at the table. She asked me if it was true and what happened. The whole time I spoke I could feel her heartbreaking I mean, this was the love of her life and the father to her children. He had a very possessive and tight grip on her.
That night he came home from work late. She called me out of the room and we sat in the lounge and she confronted him. He didn’t deny it all, he admitted that he had been touching me. He said he was disciplining me, teaching me a lesson. His exact words were, “If she gets kicked out of school, ill kill her. If she gets pregnant, ill rape her”. My mother told him she was leaving and he began to beat her. First time he had ever laid hands on her. I ran across the road to a neighbors house and they called the police while I took cover in their lounge
I saw him leave in the back of a cop car so I went back home. My mother was on the couch with a flannel on her mouth covering the fat lip he had given her. Even though I knew what he had done was inexcusable, I had an overwhelming sense of guilt for hurting my mother and turning her world upside down. I told her we can all leave while he is gone and go to my uncles house where we will be safe. She replies with, “If you are leaving, just leave”. So I did. I packed my bad and walked out, went to a friends and hid out while we went through the prosecution process.
I was under child protection and no one was allowed to know where I was. That didn’t stop my grandmother from finding me though. Once they tracked me down they took my to live with them again and for the first time in a long time I felt loved and safe.
The day came for me to go to court and a Sergeant was picking me up and escorting me. Before he arrived my grandparents sat me down and told me that….. If I went ahead with my statement that my mother would struggle to care for my siblings. She was a stay at home mother and he was the main bread winner, I would ruin his life and ruin the kids lives. I felt so empty and numb, they had let my mother talk them into changing my mind. She stayed with him and even gather evidence against me to prove I was an out of control teen and lied a lot.
I recanted my statement to the Sergeant who came to pick me up. He said to me that I needed to be sure and that if he had been doing this to me, that he needs to be prosecuted. I stuck to my change of story and all charges were dropped.
There is plenty more to this story but Ive written a novel already so.. The overall point of my story is that I acted on judgement where I thought it was better to take care of the wellbeing of others rather than myself. I know now that this was wrong, I deserved justice and I deserved to know that I was an innocent victim and he was a monster and a predator. If anyone reads this, please always stick up for yourself and don’t ever let anyone convince you into protecting the rapist, no matter who they are. They know that what they are doing is wrong and they need to be punished for this crime.
To Linor, thank you for standing up for women like me and being so brave. You truly have changed me and I will make sure I teach my daughter how to keep safe and how to strong. I will never leave her side no matter what.
— Larissa, age 31