My best friend invited me to Las Vegas with her for her cousins 21st birthday. They had rented a house out there and because both of us were underage, we decided to just stay at the house and drink. Both of us got really drunk and I can’t remember some events that happened that night and i really wish i could forget that he raped me. It was late, maybe around 5 in the morning. Because of all the alcohol that we had drank, my best friend started to feel nauseous so I stayed with her holding her hair back while she had her head in the toilet. Her cousin and his friends came home and my phone was dying so her cousin told me he would put it to charge in his room. a couple minutes later, i went to go check on my phone and he walked in seconds later and shut the door behind him. I was so confused but i didn’t think much of it. I basically grew up with my best friend, her whole family knows me, i always go to family parties, I know HIS parents, his older brother was my gym trainer… I had known him for years and my brother knows him too because they used to play soccer together. I’m not sure if i was already laying down by the time he came in or if he pushed me on the bed… I remember he started kissing me… and i can still taste it to this day and i feel so disgusted. he got on top of me and raped me, I couldn’t push him off… i could barely walk straight… i told him i was a virgin and to not do anything.. he replied with “not anymore.” I told him “i have a boyfriend” and his reply was pure silence. after it happened, i told him i was going to use the restroom and i realized i was bleeding, i started crying and went back to the room i was supposed to sleep with my best friend. i cried myself to sleep that night and woke up he next morning and pretended like nothing was wrong. to this day, i cannot look at my best friend in the eyes. My parents don’t know, i’ve only told three of my friends. That night he took something from me that i will never be able to get back, my first time was supposed to be special, and i was robbed of it that night, it is meant to be sacred and magical. it’s so hard to build relationships now with guys my age, and i fear that i will never be able to give myself to a man fully because of what he stole from me. to everyone in that house that night, it was just a night out, a trip to Vegas. For me? it was the day my life was ruined. it kills me that i won’t ever be able to show my face to any of her family gatherings because her family is basically mine as well, and she will never know why.
— Survivor, age 19