I was raped the first time when I was 2. It began a lifetime of torture and abuse at the hands of several perpetrators. I am now 34 and the last time I was raped by one of these men was in 2016.
I am trying to speak out but their activities were kept well hidden and as a result, I am called a liar and trying to destroy people’s lives because I’m insane. Even my mother calls me a liar.
By the time I was 10 I had been raped over 600 times. More since then.
I don’t know what to do. If i speak out I may put myself in danger, but if I remain silent I feel like I am dying inside.
No one understands. Like you said no one wants to talk about it. It’s our shameful little secret.
I am trying to get help but financially it is such a burden and my husband and i have spent nearly all our savings. I applied for funding but found out last week that because of lack of evidence I was not eligible. They didn’t speak to my doctor. They didn’t look at me. My body is covered in scars from self harm and from their abuse. I need surgery on both my hips because of the damage done to them. Even letters from my surgeon were not enough evidence.
I feel so lost and alone. My head is a mess. I suffer from dissociative identity disorder and complex PTSD amongst other things.
I just want to be free but I feel like I will be haunted by this forever.
— Survivor, age 34