I am an asian woman, well educated, coming from a middle class family. After graduating from college, I joined an organisation that brought me to US to work for 4 months. Having friends in America, I was excited to meet up with them. I contacted an old high school friend to meet up. She told me to go to her house with her then boyfriend, and have a few drinks. I went knowing that I will be safe with her and that it was a small get together. I arrived seeing her and her boyfriend with a middle aged man and another girl. On the counter top, there were bottles of vodka and tequila. My friend poured the shots and after a couple she told me to change into something more comfortable. We then drank more shots. I told my friend that i dont want to do anything crazy or anything sexual that night, and she should protect me if any of that would happen. My friend’s boyfriend then noticed me and kept complimenting me. He gave me more drinks, which paralysed me. My friend was there and saw her boyfriend touching me, while i was not able to move or say no. He then took me to a room, removed my underwear and clothes and took advantage of me. I tried saying no, but i was not able to move because i was too drunk. He then left me in the room where my friend picked me up and i passed out. I woke up knowing that something was wrong, but my friend said that she saw me have fun and i accepted that story. Knowing what happened, she even got me a morning after pill which made me sick. I was so ashamed going home. I asked her if what happened was wrong, because i was so confused. She told me that they would have those nights all the time and it was a norm. But, deep inside i knew that i was raped. I told her to leave the guy, but she ended up marrying him and having his kid. I told her that i cannot be her friend anymore. I came back to my country feeling broken and worthless. I would at times be angry and be afraid of being vulnerable. I would get anxiety when i feel like i was being abandoned by my boyfriend.
Im writing this after 4 years. I am now a law student, and everyday i think about how i can put him in jail.
I felt alone for such a long time. I have been acting out not realizing that it was because of the trauma i felt, that it was not my fault. I am still confused to this day.
I hope this helps others who were violated. Thank you for giving me an avenue to speak.
– Still confused, age 26