I have always hated him. He treated me differently than he did my cousins and younger siblings. One night, I was staying with my aunt and my mom had called me asking if I knew anything about him touching a neighbor and friend of mine who lived a floor below him. I said no because he wasn’t that kind of man. Little did I know, he started drinking.
He stopped his addiction years before. It picked back up when my uncle begged him to have “one shot.” That one shot turned into late nights at the bar and my dad having to drag him home 95% of the time.
Little after my moms call, he moved in with us. His own mother kicked him out because she felt the rape story was true. None of my family believed it, only because shortly after, she got pregnant by a boy at the school.
I was only ten years old at the time. Going into fifth grade. It was the one night my mom went out with her friends after work. My dad worked 3-11 and was coming out of work at the time. One of my aunts and cousin came over to visit him. I was sick in my parents bedroom so I wouldn’t get any of my siblings sick as it was super contagious. After my aunt and cousin left, he came into the room. I remember hearing a click at the door but didn’t think much of it. He jumped on top of me, covered my mouth and started to undress me. I was a chubby kid, and he was super skinny. Not even that strong for a man his age. But that night, I felt weak. I couldn’t even push him off of me. I couldn’t yell. I remember crying so much as he stuck his fingers in me.
I’m 18 years old now. This still traumatizes me. I have a boyfriend who loves me for me, and yes I have had sex. But those times, I freaked out in the middle of it, my boyfriend starts thinking he did something wrong and blames himself. Nobody knows what happened expect my parents. They seem to forget and make rape jokes. I have been to multiple therapist and nothing helps me. I still feel like it was my fault. Like I could’ve done something to avoid it.
I wish I was strong.
— Survivor, age 18