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Sexual Abuse and Rape

I was sexually abused and raped as a child by my adopted brother who was 9 years older than me. I have only one memory, but there is ‘evidence’ from my healing work of earlier attacks which I suppressed the memories of. It has made married life very difficult and unhappy for us both, and put enormous pressures on my health. I didn’t know when I married that he too had been abused. He didn’t know either; his only memory was if a boarding school teacher terrifying him by putting his hand into his pocket to touch his penis. His mother was mentally ill and she didn’t want a boy and cut his penis when he was about 2 years old. He has the scars on his penis. She had had two girls who died in infancy and then 2 boys, and he was third. He was also sexually abused by a homosexual uncle and by teachers at boarding school. He suffers from depression and has caused us to have a ‘sexless marriage’. It sounds like a nightmare, and it is. I have come to the point of thinking that the best thing I can do is give our children a better chance at happiness, and continually heal my soul as best I can. 2 months ago I had surgery for breast cancer, and I am doing the Gerson Therapy. The doctors who diagnosed it and did the surgery say that a big part of the cause is the fact that I did IVF 6 times to have children, as well as having children late in life ( at 37 and 43 years of age ).

For me the sexless marriage in which we have enormous compassion for each other, but no view as to how to heal enough to make love without – simply put – me being blamed for not being ‘responsive’ and he not able yet to go into his own healing enough to gain the confidence to learn how to be my lover. He never seemed to want to make love except to have children. Once or twice a year has been the norm since we had our first child, and I have never experienced an orgasm when we make love. He has never asked me what he can do to help me? I make suggestions in a gentle way; but he refused to read any books which I asked him saying that ‘it should be natural’, and also gave me books to read to help me once or twice, and I read them to find out that the guidance is really for men.
We did a lot of ‘healing work’: Emotion Code, Family Constellations, EFT, various forms of counseling. We know so much about our traumas, but have reached a very sad stalemate. He blames me and I don’t want any more sex because it is always like more trauma for me.

Whenever I tried to talk about it it turned into an argument in which he blames me, and when we did marriage courses, he didn’t come to the section about sex; twice he got “late and stuck in traffic” and just didn’t come and didn’t ask about it or try to catch up the material. After that I stopped trying to solve it. We have two children, one 16 and another 23, who has just become engaged to be married. The younger one was conceived naturally and the elder one through IVF, because I had infertility problems, called ‘unexplained infertility’.

I don’t see much hope for us for our sexual intimacy; just want to give my children a better chance. I work as a family counsellor and try to do whatever I can to help people heal and family’s protect their children.

It’s just nice to share the main points here. I watched the documentary for the first time yesterday; very moving! What great work Miss World is doing!!!

1 comment

  • Alissa Ackerman

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