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Struggling to Survive

5 months ago I went on a night out with my friend. ‘=I remember dancing, having fun and then my memory goes very patchy. Next thing I know I’m naked and being raped. I tried to get him off but it’s like I was a doll that could see her body but not use it & it felt like forever to fight him off. I realized I was naked and instantly wanted to be sick my head was aching and the room was dark I banged into a wardrobe then realized it was my wardrobe, I was in my room. Then he tried to put it in from behind, I tried to scream it’s literally like I had forgotten how to speak or what words I could even say. Then my housemate burst in and as I scrambled up I pulled something to cover me. I just remember standing there sobbing hysterically and her screaming at them. Yes them. They were 2 men in my room.
DNA confirms raped by two men.
I just, don’t even know what to do anymore. I sit in my room and eat or sleep or stay up like tonight for 24 hours straight doing nothing.
I just don’t know how to survive or what will make this better.
I feel like I’ve lost myself permanently. I miss me.

— Survivor, age 24

2 comments

  • Alissa Ackerman
  • Maria Castro

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