I just finished watching Brave Miss World and it inspired me to share for the first time my experiences. Between the age of 6 and 8, the older son (he was 16) of a family friend sexually abused me. He always said not to tell. I felt so ashamed that he talked about it with his brother and friends when I was in the room and he always said “I’ve tried her”. I felt so ashamed all my life and that sentence somehow always defined me.
At 21 one I had my first boyfriend. He was 3 years older than me and very sexually active. He tried to wait for me to be ready but in the end he rushed me and at that time I could not believe he raped me, but it felt like it. I am with him for 9 years. Each time I do not want to have sex or try something he tries to talk me into it or “guide me” to his wishes. I am always disconnected from everything when we are intimate. He left me two times because I did not want to have sex with him. He always comes back and at first is really attentive with me. I am afraid to leave him because I am scared of the taught to get naked with someone else and so I am stuck in this situation that I now understand is not healthy for me.