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That’s not Me, it’s Her

I read a recent story where a woman described not remembering, or seeing someone else. I know how you feel, my sister!

I would rather not give exact details, fearing reprisals, but I was raped in the office of an authority figure. I can say that today, but at the time, nothing happened to Me, never to the Me that is speaking.
I saw that poor girl on the couch being raped, and thought that I should do something to help Her, at least call someone to help Her.
I left the office, but nothing had happened to Me there. I never had anything happen to Me, none of the times I was there.

I felt the need to drink, and drink heavy, and it helped me deal.
I know at least this once, 3 other customers went to show me a back room, but nothing happened to Me. I just went home late that night.
A friend went to help this poor girl who was being taken advantage of at a party, but she couldn’t stop it, nor could I. She tried to get me help, but I couldn’t imagine what for.

It was the night I saw this girl walk across a corporate center near where I worked, climbed a chain link fence and went to the highway shoulder, and closed her eyes. I knew She would never make it running across, but I could not stop Her. Somehow, She managed to not get hit. The State Trooper gave Me a ride to a hospital.

That girl and I shared a bathroom. I could see Her in the mirror, or in the water, or the glass outside the grill. I was kind of glad that She got some help, but I didn’t know why I could help Her.
No the same thing didn’t happen to Me, I was a virgin, and didn’t really like men. I didn’t drink too much, just enough. I didn’t feel depressed, I almost didn’t feel.

It was over 2 years before I could understand what I was doing. Some therapy got out what happened, but I still do not recall any of it, more like reading your Read Story section.
I am in therapy, and do not foresee the days without.
As to the woman who wrote of a similar experience, and any I did not see, you ARE Brave, much Braver than Me, or Her, or the ones that caused it. I could not be there for Her, but I try to be there now.

— Survivor, age 39

1 comment

  • Alexis

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