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The Friend

2 years ago my boyfriend (now fiancé) and a mutual friend he worked with went to a concert. All of us had been drinking. On the way home I noticed my boyfriend texting someone. Of almost 9 months of dating I was furious to know he was texting with his ex. Drunk and mad I messaged the ex on Facebook asking her to leave him alone as he was now my boyfriend. She decided to tell me he was the one intitiating any contact and she had nothing to do with him as he was not good to her in the past. He never had given me a reason to be afraid or even really yelled at me so I inquired to know more about what she meant. She had told me to be careful as in the past he had pushed her a few times and was verbally and physically abusive. Concerned, indirectly confronted him asking if what she had told me was true. After working 12 hrs earlier that day then attending a concert followed by drinking he was angry to even believe and ask if what she told me was true. Angry he told me to leave if I really thought that. Confused and emotionally drained after a long night combined with drinking I decided maybe it was better I should leave and go elsewhere. As I had been drinking and I was still a student pursuing a masters degree I decided it wasn’t a good idea to drink 45 min back to my apartment or 30 min back to my parents house. Instead I called out to a few friends most who were out busy themselves or didn’t answer. I decided to phone the friend we went to there concert with as he was there when the initial fighting between me and my boyfriend began on the ride home. The friend said to come over and we would talk it out and hopefully get some rest. I got to the house and his apartment like set up was in the basement of his parents house. We talked a little, I changed into more comfortable clothes and he said I could either sleep on the couch or sleep in his king size bed as it was plenty big. Exhausted I decided the bed seemed more suitable. He tried to console me by cuddling. I was not comfortable with cuddling nor initiated it and was very confused why he thought that was a good idea since I was dating one of his friends. Then he kept trying to kiss me as I did not reciprocate , thinking he would politely get the hint I did not want to do anything like that. He kept trying and eventually tried more sexual things as I tried to say no. I literally laid there not moving. I mean who would think someone lying there without reciprocating anything would want to have sex? Apparently him. I remember saying no but not physically doing anything. I just laid there. Frozen. Confused on what was even happening. Why was this happening? Did I send him a mixed signal? Is that why he thought I came there? Afterwards he went to the bathroom and I laid there confused and felt wrong. It took me 3 hours to fall asleep because I felt something was wrong. The next morning he had to go to work and I drove back to my apartment. The whole ride home I cried wondering did I cheat on my boyfriend. It wasn’t until I got back to my apartment and told my roommate that I realized what had happened. You always hear these stories of rape happening to people, strangers with violence. I blamed myself. Why didn’t I yell, why didn’t I fight? Did he not get my signs? Did he think I was joking around when I had said no? I told my boyfriend the next day who was furious and was crying and obviously hurt. He had looked to his neighbor, a member of the police force for advice on the matter. He called me shortly after and had a different demeanor. He told me I should report what had happened. Being that it occurred almost 2 days later I did not feel that it was a good idea. Nor did I want to tell anyone else. He gave me the ultimatum and said that if I didn’t report then maybe it didn’t actually happen as his friend had told him many girls lie about this kinds of stuff to ruin people’s reputations. I did end up reporting and only received humiliation and embarrassment from the people I encountered. The officer that too my statement had actually laughed at one point during his million if questions when the question asked “did the perpetrator ejaculate”. weeks later I was asked to come down to the local police station to give a formal report. There I was questioned about what I wore, text messages that were exchanged, which placed even more self blame on myself than I already had had. Needless to say nothing came of the statement and a received a call a few days later stating the case wasn’t closed due to not enough evidence. 2 years later and me and my fiancé have gone through counseling and worked on our communication. I know most people who disagree with his reaction of saying to report or he would break up with me. In a sense I am glad for that push. If I would not have reported would I feel the same way I do today? There’s no certain way to expect people to react or feel. You never know what you will do until or unless it happens to you. I am now at the stage in my recovery that I want to share my story and make aware of the millions of terrible stories and abuse women like myself have gone through. Most, alone. I am who I am today because of that night. Although though I will always question my actions and decisions of that night, I will never be able to change what happened. I hope this story helps others who may have or be going through something similar to this.

— Becky, age 24

1 comment

  • Alexis

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