It’s still hard to tell although quite some time passed. i was held against my will and raped for two months by a crazy guy while traveling in europe. i got left pregnant and i bleed for 2 months after my body naturally aborted. he told me he would kill me. how did it happen. he seemed like a nice friendly guy about my age, bright eyes, i went to his house where we smoked a joint that was drugged and etc…the ordeal was horrible, i thought i would die, i remember screaming and it was an apartment complex and the cops never came, i don’t know why. i got really sick with a 40degree fever and my throat got an infection and i started bleeding, we didn’t know i was pregnant i think he got scared and i told him i had to leave that i was really sick and he let me go…i went with my moms family. in the end, i was too afraid to tell anyone, i got away and i just pretended to everyone that i had just been having an adventure and that i got sick and i kept bleeding, while i was walking the fetus came out of my body my mom knew something was wrong, i went pale and was shaking she said,they toke me to the doctor and the doctor knew but i couldn’t even tell him the truth i just told him that yea i had gotten pregnant but if he could keep it a secret that my family couldn’t handle it and so he did… it was strange even to me, how well i was able to act and cover it up, it was like some suave actress had waltzed in preventing me from telling anyone.. and it wasn’t even that i was afraid of the asshole, it was a mix of humiliation, of not being able to talk about it because i have always been the tough one, the brave one and all of that seemed like a far off lie.. it was about forgetting who i was, about not wanting to admit it. it’s hard now writing about it. but it’s important, not to get attention, i don’t actually want to talk about it to most of the people i know. because i don’t want it to define me.. i want to be me. not let this person win something over.. i want to share.. to assimilate it myself. this happened. but i don’t want it to define me. it happened two years ago. but i still get anxiety everytime i walk out my house, when im walking down the street. etc. i have told a few friends since then and they have been supportive. i’ve never really told the details. one thing that has helped is keeping active and another thing is that each time i do share. i feel that it’s okay. i was happy to find this website to find other warriors. not victims. but survivors.
— survivor, age 30