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Trusted Him

I was 13, attending high school. I had developed a crush on an older boy whom was 16 at the time. We flirted here and there and I was really hoping he would notice me too. He did. We had made plans to hang out one night, a month and two days after my 14th birthday. His friends had warned me he was bad news, but I still proceeded. He came over. Things got a little weird when he pinned me against a hallway wall of my place to kiss me. But I thought “This is okay. He is attractive and this is what I should be doing…”

We moved to the living room. Music was turned on and next thing I knew, he had me pinned down and his shorts were coming off and my skirt was going up. At first, I thought I was into it. Then I remember saying “Stop, please stop. It hurts.” He responded with “No, I’m almost finished..” I just laid there, listening to the stupid cd and tried not to cry. He eventually finished and I walked him to the door. He then called me to make sure I was okay, as I hoped into the shower. I felt disgusting and I was covered in blood. I called my best friend at the time, trying to play it off like I wanted it. Like I was excited I lost my virginity. That call later would bite me in the ass.) I went to school the next day and witnessed the boy being handed $5. I found out he got paid from a bet that he made with his friend, that involved sleeping with me. He won. The next few weeks of school was hell. He barked at me, he threw stuff at me. He turned people on me. We went to lunch with all of his friends and he threw a drink down my shirt.

Ten months later, I had enough. I told my mother through a mediator and we decided to go to the police. They came and interviewed me at my school along with my friends and the rapist. Next thing I knew, the whole school knew. And they all called me a liar because the rapist was a popular boy. In the end, it was he said she said so I didn’t pursue charges. I dropped out of the high school as he still taunted me and went to an alternative school. I finally graduated at the age of 21, as I had struggled many many years with depression and attempting to kill myself. I abused drugs and sex as a way to try to escape. I saw numerous counsellors and was put on numerous meds. Was even told by victim services that they didn’t per-say believe my story, (as my mom didn’t either because of that phone call to my best friend at the time) but because of my mental state, they awarded me so many free “rape counseling” sessions.

Since December 9th 2005 I have battled inner demons, self hatred and depression. All because one teenage boy thought it would be fun to take a 14 year olds virginity. But I am proud to say, almost 9 years later, I no longer let him control my life and I have forgiven him and his sick mind. I am a survivor.

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