My name is Caryn and for 41 years I have been trying to survive. From birth I have had to endure mental, physical and sexual abuse and not all from one person. I was born unwanted and unloved by a mother who hated me, an alcoholic father and a grandfather that not only molested me for 13 years but also shared me and started raping me at age 8 on my birthday handed willing over to him by a mother who knew what he was. This was the first time he shared me,took pictures of me and then took me to an amusement park. This continued even after finding out he had done this to my oldest sister were Cops and Detectives were involved and he never spent a day in jail. The only one who could put him behind bars since the statue of limitation had ran out for my sister was me and my mother. I of course like most had been threatened with death by him, but my mother didn’t want her family to leave her didn’t press charges. this allowed him to continue to r ape me till I was 13 and stole a pistol and on his normal trolling of me i threatened him with death if he ever touched me again. Because of our brains ability to put us in survival mode, I slowly buried this deep with in my memories until March 2010. My mother had a friend who thought her daughter was being molested and I got in her face and said if she ever took her back to the babysitter I would hunt her down and beat the living shit out of her. I grabbed my things and left. The next two days was my HEll. And on March 8th I took my own life. I downed enough pills to kill a horse, but for some reason I woke up two days later in ICU. After that I knew I was meant for something. But being that person before the suicide, I didn’t know who the real me was. Again God stepped in and handed me to a wonderful Psychiatrist for PTSD who for three years gave me the coping skills to work through that old me. But right now again I have lost that fire that fueled that women to overcome those horrors that my life used to be and I am struggling with my fear again. I lost my goal to never have this happen to any child again. I lost my love for my pottery, photography and designing one of a kind little girls dresses. So I must find myself yet again. I can’t feel that anger, guilt, fear that consumed who I used to be again. So I fight everyday to survive. I just watched Brave Miss World, not fully knowing what it consisted of. Linor is very blessed to have a family that even knowing what happened to you, that the still love you. I cried through the whole film and am crying as I write this. I know that I will eventually fight my way back to find the real Caryn because the old one died on March 8th 2010.
— Caryn Arwood