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What Happened?

I was out with my friends. We went to a nightclub, I was 21 and it was April 2013. I started drinking and everyone was drinking. My parents always told me not to ever let my drink out of my sight. Well that night I guess I got a little comfortable. I did leave my drink around many times and then went back to it. Something that I never do. There were a bunch of people in our hotel room. Some of them were people my friends knew, and some of them were complete randoms that had come from different rooms. I left my drink on a table and then went back to drink it at the hotel room, that is where I believed it started. We went to the club around 12-1, but I wasn’t feeling very well. I felt dizzy, nauseous and confused. One of the random guys that came to our hotel room and then went out with us kept trying to dance with me, buy me drinks etc. , but I naturally I refused because I had a boyfriend. I had been dating him for four years. I was read y to leave and get back to the hotel. We left, and went back to the hotel around 2 a.m. All my friends went to party in different hotel rooms, but I just wanted to sleep. I stayed in the hotel room and my friends left. I don’t remember getting into the hotel room, I don’t remember falling asleep, I blacked out. I don’t remember it very clearly. But I remember my friend shaking me and even slapped me to wake me up. I heard my other friend screaming and shouting at someone in the hall. I woke up, I was on the ground, not on the bed. I started bawling, I didn’t know why but I did. I was told later that they had come to the room to check on me and that guy had been on top of me, my underwear was pulled down. He jolted up and walked towards the door when he saw them. My friends had screamed at him, and told him that we would find him. They wanted to call the cops that morning, but I told them not to. Two of my friends witnessed this but I made them swear not t o EVER tell anyone. I have never told anyone else to this day. I felt disgusting, and I still feel a certain guilt that I simply cannot shake off. The worse part about it is not knowing what happened, what he did. I usually try to just avoid it, and I’ve been now dating the same guy for six years. He is the only guy I’ve slept with that I know of. My parents would not understand because they would say it was my fault, I feel like my boyfriend wouldn’t understand either, I feel like he would feel betrayed or disappointed. I know I was drugged, I did not drink that much. Waking up in that moment was the scariest part of my life, it was as if my body was telling me that something bad had just happened to it… I didn’t want it, I refused that guy many many times throughout the night. I try not to think about that night, but it creeps up on me often enough. I am so inspired by woman who have been able to speak about what happened and share their stories.

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