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When I Was Three

My story starts when I was three years of age. I was molested by a stranger in my bedroom while my mother was having a party. That’s when it all started. I remember my biological father use to take baths with me and bathe me. I was molested all thru my childhood on a regular basis. When my mother remarried I thought it would finally end, but her new husband molested me on a regular basis also. This continued until I was 13. I wore as much clothes as I could and dressed like a boy hoping it would detour the situation, that never happened. We lived in California at the time. My brother was sent to North Carolina to stay with our bio-father. He was gone for a year my bio-dad would not send my brother back unless I came to visit. (he had not seen me since I was 8 years old.) He began molesting me right away. There were times I even had to give oral sex in the car when he wanted to go to the store and we were alone. Which was a lot. He use to make my brother play outside and lock the doors while I cleaned the house naked then he would have his way with me.

After about a year of this, when my brother and I were alone, my brother told me that he knew what was happening to me because it happened to him before I came. I couldn’t believe it, here I was letting this man do these horrible things to me in hopes that I was protecting everyone else. I cried with my brother and then all of the sudden a braveness came over me I had to protect my brother so I called my mother, she called the police. They found me naked on my dads bed while his wife passed out drunk next to me. My mother had remarried while we were gone and wouldn’t you know it, he was a pervert too!! I finally ran away from home when I was 17. I have 2 beautiful, talented wonderful children one graduated from college and the other on his way in two months. I am a survivor and I do not let my past dictate who I am . I am not afraid to talk about it or share my experience in hopes that it will help someone else get thru their experience. My brother committed suicide after I confronted him and told him ” i hope your not doing horrible things to your kids that our dad did to us! Remember how much it hurt us, remember the pain we carry with us to this day because of what he did, Please don’t let them experience what we had to experience. You have a choice and I love you with all my heart and if you ever need to talk I am here.” My brother blew up my phone that week and I never answered his calls cause I thought I would call him on the weekend. He committed suicide by hanging himself! I know he did it to save his kids. His oldest daughter just recently told me that my brother molested her when she was 16. That was conformation for me!

It is very important to put an axe to those bad roots!! ( My quote to myself ” Only good things will happen to me for now on!!”) My mother is still married to her last husband and in order for her to see my kids when they were young was that her husband had to confess to what he did to me in front of the family, including my kids! It took some time, but my mom finally started to believe me and he finally confessed. I saved my kids and I saved myself. I still have love in my heart, joy in my step and faith that God will send me a good man to show me what real love feels like! God bless you women who have had to endure so much pain. I can honestly say from experience that there is HOPE there is love. Don’t give up, be strong, you can do it. My mother has gone to school and has become a counselor. In the process she got counseled and started calling me periodically and asking me to forgive her for all the things I needed her to recognize that had happened to me. (she had been in denial and called me a liar for years) I always respected my mother but I couldn’t stand her. Now that she has gone through this change and became this amazing woman and my best friend our whole family has healed.

So what I am saying is, that it is possible to change and make change. You have to decide, am I going to get on the depression train and ride it till the wheels fall off or am I going to take a deep breathe and tell myself, “you are safe, that was the past and this is now.” and I think of all the good things in my life and all of the great things I have to look forward too. Find something I love to do, like pottery
Much love, peace and joy to all of my surviving brothers and sisters!

1 comment

  • nickesha


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